RELEASE OF CABINET PAPERS:
The 20-year release on Monday of the federal government’s cabinet papers from 2003, a year most notable for the decision to invade Iraq under then prime minister John Howard, has sparked much debate.
With news that much of that decision-making process remains secret, The Bug is proud to be able to advance this discussion with the world-exclusive scoop release of the video call that sparked Australia’s involvement.
George Bush Jnr: Is that the Man of Steel I hear and see before me?
John Howard: Man of Steel?
George Bush Jnr: Well, that’s what I will be calling you from now on!
Howard: Well, it certainly beats the Lying Rodent I’ve been hearing a lot of lately. It’s very hurtful, Mr President.
George Bush Jnr: Please. John. Sir’s fine after the original acknowledgment. Well, it’s Man of Steel for me from now on if you agree to come on board with a little idea I want to progress.
Howard: I’m all ears, sir.
George Bush Jnr: And eyebrows by the look of it. And, John, there’s no need to salute every time I say something. And sit down for Christ’s sake.
Howard: Sorry, Mr Pres….Sir. It’s hard to be relaxed and comfortable in your presence. What’s your plan?
George Bush Jnr: To take out Saddam Hussein and his sons in Iraq in a shock and awe military assault we’ll be calling the Coalition of the Willing. Keen to be on board?
Howard: Aah aah aah aah ….
George Bush Jnr: Are you okay there, John?
Howard: Just building up to a statement I want to make, sir. Aah, ahh, ahh, I’ll decide if Australia joins in this Coalition of the Willing and …aah aah aah ….the manner of that joining!
George Bush Jnr: So that’s a yes then?
Howard: Of course. I’ll let my Cabinet know of my decision. But can I verbally give them a reason?
George Bush Jnr: We now know that Hussein has weapons of mass destruction that can wipe out London in 45 seconds.
Howard: Gee willikers! Jimminy crickets, even. How did we find that out?
George Bush Jnr: Colin Powell and US intelligence looked into into it all and found irrefutable proof that Hussein has such WMDS.
Howard: Can we trust a man whose first name is a major digestive-track organ?
George Bush Jnr: Of course we can. He is a very decent, intelligent and honourable man. And as I said US military intelligence is right behind this. Their collective gut feeling is in lock step on this.
Howard: Count us in. How long will this intervention last?
George Bush Jnr: Within days, I’ll be standing on a US Navy aircraft carrier shouting “Mission Accomplicated!” There’s big votes in this for both of us, my Man of Steel.
Howard: How many countries are going to come on board, Mr Pre…. Sir?
George Bush Jnr: I’ll send you the list the first spare moment I have, my Man of Steel!
Call ends as the American side plays John Williams’ music from the 1978 film, Superman.
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 