THE BUG’S ANNUAL AWARD SEASON BEGINS:
The Bug’s Media Glass House Arselicker for 2023 is – extended drum roll please – Kimberley Caines!
Kimberley is a Canberra-based mainstream media scribe – yes, we all know rather sadly that makes her basically a LNP publicist – who also writes on politics for The West Australian newspaper.
Ms Caines only days ago cleaned up the December monthy award with a piece (below) that gave her boss Kerry Stokes the complete ring of confidence and an arse you could safely eat a meal off, so how has this lass carried on to the big yearly prize?
One of our senior Arse-Licker judges explained: “Sure, the year’s monthly winners were dotted with mainly Newscorpse “journalists” with a cloaca-cleaning contempt for the basic tenets of journalism as they ensured the likes of their senior editors and Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch never had to spend money on dunny paper ever again.
“But we kept coming back to Kimberley’s oh-so-simple hatchet job on Prime Minister Anthony Albanese for having the temerity to suck on the contents of a $500 bottle of red at a Margaret Valley vineyard.
“Now we know she wasn’t alone in this exercise but the pin-point accuracy of her attack made her article all so special.
“Oh, the mastery of that exercise by Ms Caines, exposing the PM’s absolute contempt for all of those Aussies out there barely keeping their heads above water as they battle cost-of-living pressures that a PM drinking $500 bottles of plonk clearly couldn’t give a flying fuck about.
“What a wonderful extension of the ‘Albanese is dancing in the red dust in his Voice love-in with darkies and is ignoring the plight of whities in the suburbs’ racist shtick that the MSM pushed relentlessly during the referendum campaign.”
As mentioned in the December citation, with Stokes and Seven West Media hellbent on clawing back to the LNP seats in and around Perth won by Labor in 2022, Ms Caines’ piece was pitch-perfect.
She is a right-royal wordsmith ringmaster, rimming with total confidence while completely ignoring the fact that Albanese and his girlfriend paid for their economy Perth flight while on holidays, bought some stuff at the supermarket and then paid for and rocked up with others for a wine tasting.
Yes, Kimberley Caines, you are totally deserving of this highly uncoveted anal …. sorry, annual …award.
Postscript: Our Arse-Licker judges ask all you BUGsters out there to frame a very simple question: if Peter Dutton had visited that winery as PM, would Kimberley Caines have had any interest in that yarn whatsoever? No, wait, that’s unfair. “PM praises top WA wines” might have been the heading if she had thought it worth a few online pars. And the chances of any mention of average Aussies battling living costs? Nada. Zilch. Diddly-squat! Of no fucking news value AT ALL!
IN COMING DAYS: The Bug‘s Media Beatup of the Year award, the Leon Musk Xcrement winner for 2023 and who’s in the running for The Bug‘s Australian of the Year announcement on Invasion Day!
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