BRISBANE: Northside tradie Johnno Watson is making only a slow recovery in hospital after collapsing in acute shock after discovering a manufactured item at his local Bunnings store at Virginia was actually made in Australia.
The Banyo plumber shouted “good lord”, grabbed at his chest and fainted dead away mid-morning on Boxing Day after walking down aisle 24 and finding not one but two plastic watering cans – one blue, one red – that were stamped “Made in Australia!”.
Lapsing in and out of consciousness in his public ward bed at Redcliffe Hospital, Johnno told The Bug via phone: “I had just been wandering down the aisles and noticing that all the big-brand gardening equipment – both battery-operated or with conventional two and four-stroke motors – were all made in China. All the heavy tools; all the lighter materials such as forks and shovels.
“Ditto for all the electronic equipment next aisle, almost all the lighting equipment with a few rare European exceptions, the rows and rows of batteries all out of China.
“I knew over the way some paints and tiles are still made in Oz and as I got closer to the outdoor garden supplies and looked over all the outdoor furniture and barbecues, I knew we still package local shit as fertilisers.
“But then I saw these two watering cans and all I remember shouting before collapsing unconscious was mentioning the good Lord above and shouting “Well, fuck me roan!”
POSTSCRIPT: The Bug will not be passing on to Johnno Watson the news it has uncovered; Australia is in fact a fairly new city of several million people on the banks of the Yangtze River in China, producing pressed plastic goods. It sits on the opposite bank to the 24-million strong metropolis of Crofton, home of some of England’s finest kitchen and tablewares.
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 