FEDERAL POLITICS:
PERTH: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s chances of a second term have been given a major fillip here after he spent the night drinking cheap cask wine with a group of inner-city boarding-house pensioners.
“We really gave it a fucking nudge,” the PM said after he rocked up at the boarding house in Langley in east Perth on a hot Sunday afternoon with several four-litre casks of Golden Gate Fruity Lexia to share with his new mates.
“I told them it was top-shelf plonk after some Margaret River winegrower toff forced me to drink a glass of some $500 a bottle red with the missus while on holidays. Terrible look and I wanted no part of it, really.
“Fucking mouth wash if the truth be known,” the PM said as he used his fingers to force vomit some kebabs he shared with the men overnight.
“Got to make room for a few Banrock station cabernet merlot casks we plan to knock over a bit later.”
Kimberley Calmes, the West Australian journalist whom the PM had invited along to watch his drinking session with the men, praised Albanese “for reconnecting with typical working class people who are doing in tough with the current cost-of -living crises afflicting most Australians through Labor’s rotten policies.”
Herald Sun scribe James Campbell who was also invited along for the lengthy bender via video link from Melbourne, where he took time out from researching some attack pieces on new Queensland Premier Steven Miles, also praised the PM for “reconnecting with average Australians doing it tough”.
“It was a very smart move after alienating himself from normal Aussies by flirting with coo… Abo… First Nations people over that woke, racist, Voice nonsense.
“The leather jacket was a smart move too, making him far more likeable with western suburbs folk far from impressed with his recent lovefest with dar… First Nations People.
“I’m not a big fan by any stretch of the imagination but he keeps going on in this vein, he won’t lose the next election by any where near the margin he deserves to lose it by through his shit policies!”
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