MEDIA NEWS:
News Crap Australia columnist Gerard Henderson is in a critical condition in the sophistry ward of Sydney’s St Vincent’s Hospital (main picture) after collapsing at home after viewing this morning’s edition of the ABC’s political discussion program Insiders.
A News Crap Australia spokesperson said Mr Henderson was fighting for his life and senior editorial staff at The Australian were being kept abreast of the columnist’s treatment while hoping for a speedy recovery.
“I’m advised that Gerard rose from his La-Z-Boy recliner chair, dropped his festive mug of mulled communion wine, and let out a high-pitched scream when he saw what he immediately determined to be yet another gross waste of taxpayers’ money by the ABC,” the spokesperson said.
“He simply could not believe that the ABC, at a time Australians are facing a cost-of-living crisis, would lavish so much money on ostentatious and antisemitic Christmas decorations on the set of the final edition for 2023 of Insiders. (below)
“While Gerard was naturally upset at the blatant waste, arrogance, and antisemitism displayed by the national broadcaster, that in itself was not the cause of his collapse.
“That actually happened while he was on a subsequent conference call arranged by The Australian’s Sunday chief of staff to determine who would write a column attacking the ABC for providing yet another reason for its abolition.
“There was naturally a lot of competition from other columnists on the call including Peta Credlin, Janet Albrechtsen, Chris Kenny, Andrew Bolt, Greg Sheridan, Nick Cater, Judith Sloan and several others.
“Apparently Gerard was shouting very, very loudly down the phone trying to press his case to be the one who took the ABC to task.
“Gerard demanded to write the column for Monday’s edition of The Oz, pointing out that only he had deciphered the tinsel to be an antisemitic signal taking the shape of a deconstructed Star of David.
“He yelled so much and so loudly that he collapsed with a thud heard by everyone else on the call and an ambulance was sent to his home to get him to hospital.”
The News Crap Australia spokesperson said The Australian was yet to decide which of its columnists would write the planned attack on the ABC for tomorrow’s edition.
“I don’t know at this stage which of the dozen or so columnists on the conference call will be picked to do the latest hatchet job.
“But if the past is anything to go by, it’ll probably be all of them over the next week or so,” the spokesperson said.
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