With all the dire warnings as to what El Nino might bring to Oz as we kick off summer today, you could be forgiven for hiding away in your homes as the only way to keep perfectly safe.
But that, of course, is nonsense, as being cooped up can be just as bad for your health as being caught in a bush fire or having your car washed off a concrete causeway during a flash flood.
No, the answer is to step out with courage and purpose, knowing that you’ll always be kept safe if you follow the advice of arguably the world’s greatest-ever soothsayer, The Bug‘s very own Kisma Aryias.
SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21
You hear on the grapevine that Nine News Brisbane’s state political reporter Tim Arvier has been put on a final warning after he failed on Wednesday night to file his nightly yarn on state transport minister Mark Bailey hiding a big cost blowout on the Brisbane-Gold Coast faster rail project.
CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19
You lie awake in bed wondering if KFC has ever run a television advertisement where its products looked even remotely appetising, or edible for that matter.
AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18
Ditto for all the other fast-food chains when you think about it.
PISCES – February 19 – March 20
You are not the least bit surprised when Queensland Senator Pauline Hanson introduces a private member’s bill into federal parliament to force national retailers to also offer annual White Friday discount deals.
ARIES – March 21 – April 19
Nor are you surprised when you hear on another grapevine that anyone put on hold while ringing her office gets to listen to a version of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas over and over again. It’s called White Christmas Matters.
TAURUS – April 20 – May 20
You reckon you’ll save a mint this Christmas and in future years after you explain to your children that Santa won’t be delivering any gifts from this year on after being killed in crossfire while overflying Gaza.
GEMINI – May 21 – June 20
You lie in bed late at night wondering if you’re the only person in Australia who suspects that Bruce Lehrmann’s lead barrister might be getting paid far too much a day if he thought he was scoring points by debating whether Brittany Higgins was fully or only partially naked on Linda Reynolds’ couch that morning back in March 2019.
CANCER – June 21 – July 22
Your fellow star signs emphatically remind you that time is running out for you to make a close personal connection with Donald Trump.
LEO – July 23 – August 22
You reckon you can reconstruct for yourself the conversation Bruce Lehrmann’s defamation lawyers had with him in which they asserted he had a 100% guaranteed, watertight, open-and- shut case against Network 10 and Lisa Wilkinson, but could he also sign a blank cheque to cover their fees and not let the door hit him on the arse on his way out.
VIRGO – August 23 – September 22
You can accurately recount that conversation because you’ve recently had practice doing the exact same thing in the case of Ben Roberts-Smith.
LIBRA – September 23 – October 22
Going even further back you recall reconstructing the same exchange between Oscar Wilde and his legal team before launching his action against the Marquess of Queensbury.
SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21
You can’t believe your luck when, walking down a dark and deserted laneway late at night and armed with a 3kg Duncan Fearnley cricket bat, you encounter Gerry Harvey.
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