WORLD NEWS:
Satan says he has officially welcomed Henry Kissinger to the “special place in Hell” he has reserved since the 1960s for the US foreign policy icon.
“I’ve been very pleased to welcome Henry to Hell for all eternity,” Satan (below) said.
“As a bloodthirsty fraud who masqueraded as a foreign policy expert while sending thousands of innocent men and women and children to unjustified early deaths as part of his global political game-playing and promotion of US imperialism, he’ll fit right in down here.
“As I watched his work on earth I began to think that Henry was like a brother to me. In fact he was more like a twin brother.
“It was his mid-career period where he really hit his straps – signing up to be national security adviser and later Secretary of State to crooked and disgraced US President Richard Nixon.
“I knew then and there that I’d eventually be seeing him down here,” Satan said with a maniacal cackle coinciding with a huge flash of fire and brimstone behind him.
“It was a joy to watch him and Tricky Dicky abruptly and callously end tens of thousands of innocent young American solders’ lives in the quagmire of the Vietnam War plus cause hundreds of thousands of civilian deaths when both of them knew full well they’d never win it.
“Add to that the sheer majesty of their carpet bombing, Agent Orange spraying, their illegal incursion into Cambodia where they apparently dropped more bombs than in the entire Second World War, and all the civil unrest they caused at home in the US including the shooting deaths of students peacefully protesting at Kent State University, well I take my hat off to them both.
“I’m sure Henry and Dick will have heaps to talk about down here,” Satan said.
When contacted in Heaven for comment, God (below) said she had spent the past few days briefing more than 40,000 deceased members of US military forces who had served in Vietnam .
“Being omnipotent I knew Henry was on the way out so I had some time to prepare them for the news that they wouldn’t be seeing him up here,” God said.
“I was pleasantly surprised that none of them was really upset at that news. They all said they’d realised long ago where Henry would be spending eternity so they weren’t that bothered.”
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