MOTORING:
A new name is about to launch on the Australian motoring scene with another entrant in the growing super-size pick-up truck segment of the already crowded SUV market.
US-based FMN Motors will this week cut the ribbons on a chain of showrooms across the nation.
The newcomer to the local market, Detroit-based Fuck Mother Nature Inc, was previously best known in the American market for its popular Wagon Queen Family Truckster sold in the 1980s. (below)
A company spokesperson said FMN was optimistic about the sales prospects of its range of high-powered models to be offered to Australian buyers starting from just under $100,000.
“We’ve done our homework and found there is a growing number of buyers wanting bigger, uglier, and more powerful family trucks,” the spokesperson said.
“Their motivation is usually a desire to intimidate others road users, as well as an inexplicable desire to pay a hugely inflated fuel bill.”
On that note the FMN spokesperson said the new range would offer several petrol-only engine options with names inspired by their likely impact on the natural environment.
“We have a standard V8 in our base Degrade model through to a V12 in our Endangered version and right up to a V16 in our top-of-the-line Wasteland model,” the spokesperson said before launching uncontrollably when asked about an EV option.
The spokesperson said a major advertising campaign would be rolled out this week showing FMNs in a range of off-road scenarios. (main picture)
“We’ve taken a tried and tested approach to our ad campaign by showing our FMNs in a range of settings in the great Australian wilderness, even though we know almost all of the vehicles we’ll sell will never leave the bitumen, except of course in cases of ricocheting after a crash or in rollover accidents.
“On that note there are several unique safety features built in to every FMN. They will ride so high that some smaller standard vehicles will go right under it.
“This means it’s not only safer for other road users but an FMU will let you dodge a lot of traffic jams – admittedly while creating some itself – and get you to where you’re going faster.
“Another unique feature in the FMU range is our ‘close follow’ computer system that allows an FMU driver to sit as close as four inches (10.46cm) from the back bumper of the vehicle in front.
“Admittedly it’s not yet developed to the stage where it will actually prevent a rear-end crash if the driver in front is stupid enough not to get out of the FMU’s way, but we’re working on it,” the spokesperson said.
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