Recent public comments by Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills (main picture) mean he is expected to be called as a witness by former prime minister Scott Morrison if the new National Anti-Corruption Commission (NACC) decides to investigate incidents of alleged pork barrelling under the previous Coalition government.
But His Lordship said while he would willingly assist Mr Morrison in such circumstances, he had deliberately made his remarks for other, more personal, reasons.
This week ABC Radio National wisely sought His Lordship’s counsel on plans for Australia to spend an estimated $368 billion under the AUKUS pact with the UK and USA buying US-made nuclear submarines and building others in Adelaide, something the former foreign minister labelled as “pork barrelling”.
In his inimitable, far-sighted and statesmanlike manner, Lord Downer went on to say: “A bit of pork barrelling – building a road here, or putting some money into a teaching room and a sports ground there – probably doesn’t matter very much, and it’s more or less acceptable and accepted part of the political process.”
It is understood that Mr Morrison (pictured below while prime minister) contacted His Lordship immediately after the interview asking that he make himself available as a witness in any NACC inquiry.
“Yes, I can confirm that the former prime minister did ring me and ask that I be on stand-by as a witness for him if those unutterable busybody rotters at the NACC stick their noses into other people’s, namely a former Coalition government’s, private business,” he told a gathering of media representatives at his family seat Pout House.
“But my main motivation is far closer to home. I see my evidence at any inquiry as a golden opportunity to set the record straight about the use of so-called public funds.
“I am especially keen to defend my dear darling daughter Lady Georgina who was unfairly pilloried for daring to hypothecate such funds to good causes in her many past campaigns to take her rightful seat in our federal parliament. (below)
At that point His Lordship’s voice wavered and his lips quivered with emotion as he drew a laced kerchief from a sleeve and dabbed at his moist eyes before continuing.
“It is perfect natural and, I am pretty sure, legal for someone seeking to enter public life – as my dear daughter has on several occasions – to rightfully allocate public funds for a clear public benefit.
“That public benefit, of course, would have been the installation of my daughter in the vanguard of the leadership of the nation and for her to continue the role my family has single-handedly played in making our nation what it is today,” His Lordship added before once again his voice broke and he fell into a deep swoon, causing a nearby under-footman to catch him mid-fall and carry him from the room.
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 