BREAKING NEWS:
Federal Opposition Leader Peter Dutton has just held a doorstop interview with reporters in Canberra where he faced further questions on the outcome of last weekend’s referendum on a First Nations’ voice to parliament. The Bug presents a transcript of the news conference.
PETER DUTTON: Good morning everyone. I want to make some brief opening remarks and then I’ll evade or ignore questions. Okay? Good. First of all let me say NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO! I’m happy to take any questions.
QUESTION: Mr Dutton, you’ve talked a lot about division, but how are you going to work with the Albanese Government to improve reconciliation with First Nations’ people?
PETER DUTTON: I’m glad you asked because I’m 100% in favour of wrecking conciliation. To put it another way: NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!
QUESTION: Will you still hold a second referendum if you’re elected?
PETER DUTTON: As you all NO!, before Saturday I made a solemn promise committing to aNO!ther referendum so: NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!
QUESTION: You say we need to stop the rorts and the Coalition’s called for an audit of the billions of dollars spent trying to close the gap. Will you take some accountability for the failed programs your former Coalition Government implemented during its almost decade?
PETER DUTTON: NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!!
QUESTION: Mr Dutton, do you think the referendum result gets you any closer to actually winning the next election?
PETER DUTTON: NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!, NO!…….
(A staff member of Mr Dutton intervenes)
STAFF MEMBER: That’s it. Thank all you very much. Show’s over.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
