Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills has vowed never again to appear on ABC TV’s public discussion program Q&A.
His Lordship has previously made such a threat following past appearances on the program but renewed his vow last night.
A fuming Lord Downer said he was “sick and tired” of being misled by the ABC into joining the program and then being betrayed when he discovered he was not the sole guest.
“This betrayal has happened far too often,” he said through the window of his sedan chair as it sped out of the Melbourne studios whence the program had just gone to air.
“Yet again I agreed to appear on the perfectly sensible condition that I would be the only person on the Q&A panel.”
Addressing several journalists who trotted at pace to keep up with His Lordship’s conveyance being carried back to Adelaide by four heavily muscled yet totally naked and oil-smeared young men.
“I agreed to lend my unrivalled knowledge and opinions to what is clearly the shambles that is Q&A on the understanding that I would be the only member of the panel,” he explained.
“I also insisted that while I would travel to Melbourne by sedan chair from my family seat Pout House in the gorgeous Adelaide Hills, once there I would appear remotely from the main studio so as not to be forced to share a studio with odious riff-raff otherwise known as ‘the public’. (main picture)
“My other very reasonable condition for agreeing to join the program was that while it is called Q&A, I would provide only the A’s and would not subject myself to any Q’s directed at me by my lessers.
“I made it clear to the so-called ‘producers’ of the program that such a condition would be waived if any noble gent were in the audience. But I knew I was on firm ground in that regard.
“But on my arrival I was again shocked to discover that several others were to be included on the panel and that impudent questions from the no-doubt noisome audience were to be entertained.”
His Lordship said as the nation’s “longest serving and most illustrious” foreign minister he believed that a program such as Q&A should provide him the opportunity “to impart to the nation my unrivalled wisdom, unsurpassed analysis, and infallible predictions” on national and global events.
“As a member of the family which single-handedly shaped the nation we live in today I and I alone should be able to hold forth on Q&A every week unfettered by the mindless babblings and interruptions spewed forth by any feeble-minded and untitled coves,” he said before shouting at the naked young men carrying his sedan chair that he was cancelling all previously planned rest stops in the interest of reaching Pout House by dawn.
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 