A plane carrying Secretary-General of the United Nations, António Guterres, heading for Sydney made a swift mid-air U-turn over the Pacific Ocean last night after he received news of the defeat of the referendum for a First Nations’ voice to parliament.
Mr Guterres (inset in main picture) and a retinue of senior UN officials boarded an official aircraft in New York yesterday and were approximately halfway to Australia when news was sent to them of the referendum’s comprehensive defeat.
A UN spokesperson said the referendum outcome made the UN delegation’s mission redundant.
“Obviously without voter approval for enshrining an advisory indigenous voice in the Australian Constitution the United Nations now can’t take over all the land in the nation,” the spokesperson said.
“It’s a pity, but we’ll have to wait for the next referendum, whatever that may be about, to execute our plans.”
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Australian Federal Police have located and released former prime minister Malcolm Turnbull after he was apparently held captive and replaced in public by an impersonator for the best part of the past year.
An AFP spokesperson said the real Mr Turnbull had been held in isolation in a bunker at an inner-Sydney house.
“All of the public appearances by ‘Malcolm Turnbull’ have been undertaken by a stand-in made up to look exactly like him and to speak just like him,” the spokesperson said.
“That person has now been arrested and will face a range of charges along with others involved in the former-PM’s abduction and illegal detention.
“I can assure all Australians that the real Mr Turnbull is well and is catching up with events that have happened over the past year since his abduction.
“He was especially happy to learn that the voice referendum had failed and, as he put it, that Australia has avoided the mistake of creating a third chamber of federal parliament,” the spokesperson said.
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Australia’s television networks were forced to apologise for an audio problem during the initial few minutes of Opposition Leader Peter Dutton’s speech last night following the defeat of the referendum on an indigenous voice to parliament.
Broadcast hosts for all major networks apologised to viewers for being unable to hear what Mr Dutton was saying during the first few minutes of his speech.
“It was very odd,” a senior broadcast technician for ABC TV said. “Dutton appeared at the lectern and while his mouth was moving, our microphones and all others in the room couldn’t pick up a thing he was saying although they transmitted every other sound in the room.
“It was only when a horde of dogs invaded the news conference room that Mr Dutton himself realised what he had been doing through force of habit.
“Once he adjusted his voice all of the microphones worked a treat and the broadcast continued,” the technician said.
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