BY OUR RUGBY LEAGUE REPORTERS:
Kevin Walters has been summarily dismissed as Brisbane Broncos coach in a unanimous decision overnight by the club’s board of directors.
“Kevin is one helluva nice guy but as the NRL grand final against the Penrith Panthers showed at the weekend, he’s a shit of a coach,” the board said in a short statement issued at the club’s Red Hill HQ at 7pm last night.
“If Kevin had displayed even the skillset of a junior club side coach, the Broncos would be reigning champions right now and we wouldn’t have had to put up with the Clearys jawing and grinning like Cheshire cats all over the media over the past few days.”
The Bug understands that what really got on the board’s goat was comments by Walters on the night and at the fan club day on Monday that the Broncos should have won the grand final but had been beaten in the end by “the sporting gods” who had sadly turned on the better team.
One board member told us: “Now that’s just plain horse shit! What, we just got the bad end of a ball bounce too many times?
“What fucking coach with any sense of pride in their ability would instruct Adam Reynolds to repeatedly try a short drop out under the sticks when tactically there was absolutely no fucking reason to do that?
“Take for example that six-point gift we presented to the Panthers to open the first-half scoring. Did Walters and Reynolds think there was only a few minutes left in the game and they were behind and needed desperately to regain possession to have any chance of victory?
“Jesus, fucking, Christ man. When you’re in the danger zone what do you fucking do? Boot fucking long! What do you do? Boot fucking long! What do you do? Boot fucking long!
“And what sort of coach instructs a player like Reese Walsh, no matter how good he already thinks he is, to run sideways close to his own line and end up not only losing ground but getting bundled into the in-goal?
“Jesus, fucking, Christ man. When you’re in the danger zone what do you fucking do? Leave the jinking and weaving and fancy running on the spot for when you’re much further down the track and just run fucking straight and long. When you’re in the danger zone what do you fucking do? Run fucking straight and hard! What do you do? Run fucking straight and hard! What do you do? Run fucking straight and hard!
“For fuck sake, it’s not rocket surgery. Didn’t Walters watch Moneyball? It’s all about metres gained and in rugby league, you add the key component: danger averted.
“Hasn’t Walters ever watched the Brisbane Lions’ threepeat in the early 2000s when Leigh Matthews’ main directive to the side was “no fancy stuff when you’re near your own sticks. Pick up that pill and punt it so fucking hard and so fucking far down field you’ll pop your kicking knee!
“Hasn’t the silly bastard ever played billiards? If you haven’t got a shot, where the fuck do you leave the ball? Right down the fucking end, up against the cush and hopefully out of harm’s way!”
The unnamed director calmed down long enough to explain that what upset the board most was that Walters appeared incapable of owning up to those basic mistakes and other poor kicking strategies once the Broncos had established a lead that should have resulted in a comprehensive Brisbane win.
“We sat down as a board and we asked ourselves one basic question: if the Broncos make the grand final again in the years to come, are we going to lose again because our players keep running to close to the sideline and keep getting bundled into touch and find ourselves screaming at the TV: “Why the fuck didn’t Walters drill them not to do make a stupid Under 10 club mistake?
“Oh, that’s fucking right! Kevie didn’t see that as a basic flaw that needed to be fixed!
“Why the fuck did we persevere with him, we’d have to ask ourselves as we handed in our resignations?”
***
Josh Addo-Carr is expected to be cleared of any wrongdoing over a recent incident on the NSW central coast and will be available for the opening Kangaroos game at the upcoming Pacific Championships.
Addo-Carr’s availability for the championships was up in the air after he was involved in a brawl at a carnival on NRL grand final weekend but as Addo-Carr’s agent said in a statement accepted by Kangaroos coach Mal Meninga: “It was the Koori Knockout after all”.
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