Chronic weight loss caused by countless bouts of projectile vomiting has forced the judges of The Bug‘s Media Glass House Arse-Licker for September to close off nominations days ahead of the normal end-of-month deadline.
“We just couldn’t take anymore,” one of those judges explained as he drove the porcelain bus in a cubicle of the men’s lavatory on the mezzanine level at The Bug‘s HQ. “Our very lives were being put at risk.”
He was referring to the torrent of articles by various Newscorpse senior writers, columnists and essayists lauding the career of Rupert Murdoch who has stepped down as chair of his global media empire.
“Paul Kelly was one of the first to put pen to paper and there’s been countless others since. We’ve had to read them all and quite frankly, apart from the really distinct possibility that wading through all that arse-licking shit could literally be the death of us, how on earth could we be expected to finally select one as the very worst of the lot?
“Now please excuse me. I think I’m about to ….” Ruuuthhhh!
Another judge in an adjoining cubicle who had just lost his lunch after seeing the splash in The Australian that praised Murdoch for his relentless pursuit of the truth had this to add: “We’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that September’s winner will be a collective one, shared equally among all those who have ensured that Rupert Murdoch won’t have to wipe his own arse again for quite some time.
“You could safely eat a meal off his coit right now the way these Newscorpse brown-nosers have been carrying on!”
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