Australians woke up this morning to the shocking news that media mogul Rupert Murdoch wasn’t dead. The Bug presents a round-up of reactions to the news.
A shrine and condolence book have been established at News Crap Australia’s headquarters at Surry Hills in Sydney in the wake of the news of Rupert Murdoch’s non-demise.
News Crap staffers began spontaneously assembling at the shrine this morning (main picture) where some broke down in tears when expressing their memories of their boss as they gathered around the marble bust of Mr Murdoch adorning the Holt Street building’s foyer.
“He’s the greatest human being who ever lived,” said News Crap Australia columnist and Sky News commentator, Peta Credlin. “Followed very closely by Tony Abbott.”
Fellow columnist and Sky “after dark” host, Andrew Bolt, was too overcome with emotion to speak but had written a message in the condolence book that said: “Despite his woke lefty latte-sipping critics, Rupert Murdoch has always strived to give Australians balanced reporting.
“Sure he promotes right-wing views through his news outlets, but he has been scrupulous to ensure that they are always balanced by far-right-wing views.”
Columnist Gerard Henderson also was too distraught to speak, but also wrote a personal message in the condolence book.
It consisted entirely of the sentence “I blame the ABC” which eyewitnesses said Mr Henderson scribbled repeatedly on about 30 pages of the book using his forefinger and his own faeces.
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Opposition Leader Peter Dutton says the news that Mr Murdoch had not died would not change his tactics nor the plans the Liberal Party has for fighting and winning the next federal election.
“Changes at the top of PR agencies and advertising agencies are fairly common,” Mr Dutton said.
“News Crap Australia has been the Liberal Party’s ad agency for decades now and we have a very good relationship with them.
“So I don’t expect any changes to that relationship as Rupert Murdoch replaces Rupert Murdoch.
“Sorry, I meant as Lachpert Murdoch, errr… Rupelach replaces… Oh, you know who I mean,” Mr Dutton said.
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Victorian Premier Dan Andrews says he will use Rupert Murdoch’s announcement to once again make him the offer of a state funeral.
“I’ve been prepared to give Rupert a state funeral for many, many years,” Mr Andrews said.
“I’ve offered one after every state election since 2014. But he’s always resisted all entreaties, arguing every time the offer was made that it was inappropriate because he was still alive.
“But I can wait. If I must. Can’t be too long now I reckon,” he said.
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