PUBLISHING:
God has called on former prime minister Scott Morrison to halt publication of a new book which claims to detail how the Supreme Being had influenced his work and decision-making in government.
In a statement issued by Heaven’s Media and Communications Office, the Almighty and Omnipotent Being (main picture) said she was “upset and confused” by recent comments by Mr Morrison’s publisher Harper Collins.
The 288-page book titled Plans for Your Good – A Prime Minister’s Testimony of God’s Faithfulness will be published in 2024 by a division of Harper Collins specialising in Christian publications.
In describing the ex-PM’s literary project, Harper Collins said: “During one of the toughest periods since the Second World War, covering drought, wildfires, a global pandemic and recession, he chronicles God’s faithfulness throughout, win or lose, public criticism or public success. Morrison is passionate about encouraging others to discover how they can access and see the many blessings of God in their own lives, no matter their circumstances.”
But in Her statement, God forcefully denied any connection to Mr Morrison.
“I don’t know him. I’ve never spoken to him in any way, shape or form, despite his repeated claims to the contrary,” She said.
“For him to invent some cock-and-bull story about me influencing his decisions as Australian PM is just total bullshit.
“He fucked things up in his own government himself. Entirely. He didn’t need anyone’s help to do that, least of all mine.
“And as for that bullshit prosperity doctrine he and his fellow hucksters embrace with all their happy clapping, arm-raising, and the talking in tongues that goes with it, well I’ve never liked it.
“It’s just embarrassing and gives religion a bad name. Admittedly not as bad a name as some Catholic priests give it, but it’s a close run thing.”
In an ominous warning, God said if Mr Morrison did not cease and desist from making false connections between Her and himself She would take unspecified “swift and irreversible direct action”.
“Let just say that Mr Morrison needs to be aware of the risks of fucking with someone who is transcendent, all-powerful, divine, and omnipotent,” She said.
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