BRISBANE: Queensland Police Commissioner Katarina Carroll has strongly supported the force’s decision to allow three officers who were videoed shouting obscene and racist slurs at First Nations people to continue in their employment, albeit with some compulsory retraining.

“If we threw out of the force every officer who feels that way about Aboriginals in particular, we’d have hardly anyone left,” she explained. “The state would be basically lawless and surely no-one wants that? Youth crime would be even more rampant and out-of-control than Channel 9 is telling us it already is.”

Commissioner Carroll said she had never liked, or condoned, the fact that most of the state’s police force were racist rednecks but as she had made her way up through the ranks, it had been explained to her quite clearly that state of affairs had come about as the result of what was commonly known among police ranks as either the Peter Principle or the Dutton effect.

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MELBOURNE: Liberal Senator James Paterson has used a visit to a suburban supermarket here to once again claim the Albanese government “couldn’t care less” about the cost-of-living-crisis facing average Australians.

“This bunch of broccoli would be 57c cheaper if the people who come to this store for their weekly grocery shop had been able to pre-purchase slightly cheaper overseas airflights if the government had granted Qatar Airlines extra weekly flights in and out of the country,” the Victorian Senator said outside the Coles supermarket in Balaclava near St Kilda East.

“This bunch of bananas would be 48c cheaper. It’s true,” an emotional Senator Paterson added, wiping tears from his eyes.

“It breaks my heart to see parents having to refuse their kids’ request for a lolly treat at the checkout because they don’t have the extra cash they would have had in their pockets if they had been able to book a family holiday to Europe on the back of those reduced air prices that would have resulted from the extra competition additional Qatar flights would have sparked,” the Senator added.

As he concluded his comments, dozens of shoppers who had gathered nearby burst into applause in recognition of the fact that only LNP governments can manage economies well and that the LNP remained the only side of politics dedicated to ensuring the wages of average working-class people kept rising to at least have a chance of keeping pace with inflation.

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