MELBOURNE: Australia’s most read and admired newspaper columnist Andrew Bolt is resting comfortably in a private hospital here after collapsing from sheer exhaustion at his Herald-Sun desk.
“I haven’t slept for a week; I’ve been so worried,” Bolt admitted, his voice weak and wavering as he spoke exclusively to The Bug from his private suite in the John Elliott wing of the Sir Henry Bolte private hospital in leafy Toorak.
“I’ve tossed sleeping pills down my throat by the handfuls; I’ve read and reread Mein Kampf in the witching hour but nothing has helped.”
Bolt admitted he has had barely a minute’s shut-eye since warning his readers a week ago that if the Voice referendum got up, Melbourne’s name would be changed to Naarm.
“That’s what the dar… the coo… the First Nations people called Melbourne before it even existed and I’m fucked if I’m going to live in a place called Naarm!
“Do you want to go and watch the Naarm Cup at whatever the black buggers will demand that Flemington be renamed, or watch the Test at the Naarm Cricket Ground, not that I’d have a fucking clue what they’ll rename Boxing Day! Or support the Naarm Storm? Sounds like a very average porn star!
“As I pointed out in my column, Victoria’s chockablock with cities with dar… the coo… the First Nations names and I certainly will be doing everything I can to make sure Melbourne doesn’t follow suit.
“Of course, demanding that every single bit of New Holland is renamed using jigaboo jargon will be the least of all our worries if the Voice gets up and the dar… the coo… the First Nations people take control!
“Why should I have to pay rent to live in a home I own?” Bolt shouted before his eyes turned back up inside his head and he resumed staring blindly at the ward ceiling and muttering in a bizarre blend of Dutch/Flemish.
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