Cash facing 842 cruelty counts

PERTH: Western Australian Liberal Senator Michaelia Cash is to be charged on police summons with 842 counts of cruelty to senior citizens.

The summons is expected to be served today and refers to alleged offences by the long-term federal politician at last weekend’s official No! launch rally against The Voice referendum at Ascot Raceway in the state’s capital.

Most if not all of the 1000 people in attendance were Liberal Party members.

The multi-count summons alleges Senator Cash locked the senior citizens inside a meeting room at the racetrack and for several hours repeatedly made them chant the words: “If you don’t know who you are, vote No!”

Many were in their late 80s and 90s and, deprived of their regular afternoon naps, soon had immense difficulty also holding aloft double-sided placards with those and similar words printed on them.

Pushed to a state of exhaustion, many called out Sir Robert Menzies’ name before slumping unconscious in their seats.

“It was very cruel,” a frail old thing with thinning purple-tinged hair told The Bug: “”It was also very insulting for Senator Gash (sic) to suggest ad nauseum we didn’t know anything about The Voice. Just because we’re Liberal voters doesn’t mean we’re all fucking stupid.

“And of course I know who I am. My name’s Mabel Templeton. I was born in 2034 and I’m a proud member of the silent generation that preceded the Baby Boomers.

“What’s more, my friends and I know everything we need to know about The Voice from listening to 3PR, reading The West Australian and taking it that new dedicated SkyNews channel devoted to explaining both sides of the referendum debate in a balanced and professional way.

“Our two generations worked bloody hard to achieve what we did and there’s no fucking way we’re going to let the dar… the coo…. those first nations people charge us rent to live in the houses we sweated blood and tears over all those decades to build and own!

“And if I want to wander down to Cottesloe Beach and walk on the sand, no cunt’s going to make me listen to a welcome to my own fucking country, okay!

“And they can try to force us to use it some fancy jigaboo name but I’ll keep calling it Cottesloe Beach to my dying fucking day!

“And if they try to rename Perth Boorfuckingloo or some such thing, they can shove that up their scrawny black arses too!”

Mrs Templeton then shouted “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!” three times as loud as her dear old lungs could manage before starting her electric mobility scooter and storming off.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com