THE VOICE REFERENDUM:
Chances of a Yes vote in the looming The Voice referendum have been boosted by the findings of an expert panel who examined several No campaign rallies on either side of the continent at the weekend.
The panel, comprising social demographers, actuaries and general practitioners who specialise in geriatrics, painstakingly examined video footage of attendees at the official No campaign launch in Perth led by LNP Senator Michaelia Cash and a much larger event at the Star casino in Sydney at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPACAus) that was addressed by the likes of Tony Abbott and Pauline Hanson.
And they’ve concluded that at least 60 per cent of all those people at both rallies will have died of old age before the expected referendum date of October 14.
“And that’s a conservative estimate,” a senior member of the group told The Bug on the condition of anonymity. “It could easily be as high as 70 per cent.”
Psephologists argue that it is largely older Australians who will be voting no in October and such a death rate could easily swing the vote into the Yes camp in, say, Western Australia, where polls suggest the referendum faces defeat there.
The group member explained that even by the end of both rallies and after both venues had been cleared, 10 elderly folk were found slumped dead in their seats at the Perth rally, including the dear old man pictured below, while 42 corpses were recovered in Sydney.
Some of the Perth deaths have been attributed to the attendees being forced to wave aloft double-sided “Don’t know? Vote No!’ banners that were far too heavy for them (images at top), and who were left utterly exhausted after being made to respond over and over again to shouts from Senator Cash proclaiming: “If you don’t know who you are, Vote No!”
Our resident amateur psephologist told The Bug: “You’ve also got to factor in the stark reality that most if not all of the attendees at the Perth rally were Liberal Party voters. Well, their age gave that away for starters.
“But the point I’m trying to make here is that not all Baby Boomers and the Silent Generation before them (1928-45) are cookers, religious nutters, conspiracy theorists, proud old boys and girls, racists, Trumpers and generally disillusioned people who are bitter and twisted because they feel life has let them down and passed them by, like most Liberal party supporters and members are.
“There are many Baby Boomers and Silent Generation folk out there who, given what they achieved in life through hard work and effort, would be fucking embarrassed to hell to sit in a room and admit they haven’t bothered trying over a very long time now to understand the basics of what The Voice entails.”
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