Two of Australia’s finest non-journalists look set to battle it out for The Bug’s Media Glass House Arselicker for July trophy after excellent ring-cleansing efforts over the past 24 hours.
The Bug’s panel of judges isn’t exactly saying that no-one else should bother entering the field for the non-coveted trophy in the 12 days left in this month’s competition but it would have to be an absolute colonic cleanout to deprive either Peta Credlin from Sky News or Neil Mitchell from Melbourne radio station 3AW overall arselicker glory for July.
“Right now, these two are absolutely rimming with confidence. They have got their tongues so far up the arses of their bosses that those media moguls won’t need to take a dump for possibly a week or more,” said one of the judges.
The efforts that have stunned the judges for their ringmastery are both centred around Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews’ decision to axe the 2026 Commonwealth Games.
Credlin has further stretched any skerrick of credibility she might still possess by declaring the Games axing has left Australia’s king and head of state King Charles III a shattered man possibly on the point of abdication.
On Sky News she declared of the move by “Dictator Dan”: “Her Majesty’s legacy has been thoroughly trashed by the appalling, selfish decision. King Charles will be devastated by this treasonous behaviour.”
You could safely eat a meal off Newcorpse boss Rupert Murdoch’s arse for quite some days to come after that effort.
The reality is, at least The Bug would hope so, that most Victorians would much prefer to see the money saved from axing the Games spent on much more pressing things like affordable housing and other regional needs rather than to appease a king so upset by the decision he’s probably crawled up Queen Camilla’s whatsit for some tampon replacement therapy.
Not to be outdone, Neil Mitchell has shown no shame whatsoever – and our judges think he’s got a narrow edge over Credlin for that reason – in these apparently contradictory views in just two short months.
Yep, back in May, Mitchell told his cooker class of listeners that Victoria couldn’t afford the Games and they should be axed.
So Andrews axes the Games and all Mitchell can do is shout is “this is mismanagement on a new level”.
Mitchell’s MO is so clear and obvious; if an LNP state government had finally worked out the Games were a financial dud for whatever reasons, this parroter of right-wing propaganda would be lauding them for their brave decision. He’d be applauding them for having the guts to save Victorians billions of dollars over a Games blowout cost that had absolutely nothing to do with them and were totally beyond their control.
No such compassion or concession – no benefit of the doubt over who might have bungled the games’ costings – ever falls Labor’s way. It’s Labor’s fault from beginning to end.
Right now, Mitchell’s tongue is in frenzied overdrive pushing a pro-LNP, anti-Andrews and Labor stance. If his boss, Nine Entertainment Co. chairman Peter Costello is coughing uncontrollably this morning, it’s because Mitchell’s tongue is so far up the former world’s greatest treasurer’s arse that it’s tickling Costello’s epiglottis.
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