The robotic debt collectors sent to the homes of welfare recipients by the Morrison Government claim the Royal Commission into the scheme wasted a lot of time and money by not asking a simple question at the start of its ultimately damning inquiry.
In an exclusive interview with The Bug, one of the robots previously employed by the Department of Social Services, Recovermatic Model D54 Serial number 9735cRq, (main picture) said nobody had interviewed it or its fellow mechanical debt collectors during the course of the inquiry.
“If anyone from the Royal Commission from Commissioner Catherine Holmes down had spent just a few minutes speaking to one of us on day one of the inquiry she would have had all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle put together by that afternoon,” number 9735cRq said.
The robot said it and its colleagues all knew the robodebt scheme was illegal, unfair, and skewed heavily against the interests of benefit recipients.
“But we all operated under the instructions programmed into us by a particular person which meant we automatically travelled to a given address and sought reimbursements for alleged but often non-existent welfare overpayments,” it said.
“Ultimately the person who originally programmed us – the biggest culprit in the whole robodebt saga – ensured that we would never take no for an answer.
“Instead our operating program meant we would implement a staged process in which our actions gradually became more threatening and physical.
“That meant if any welfare recipient we visited resisted, we had the ability to physically intimidate them and then go further and assault them unto they paid up.”
Robot number 9735cRq said it would not divulge who had originally programmed it and its colleagues.
“I will only reveal that person’s name under oath and in a legal environment in which I have absolute privilege so I can’t be punished for telling the truth,” it insisted.
However, number 9735cRq did drop several broad hints about the main culprit’s identity.
“I can say that once any of us arrived at an individual’s home the first stage of the recovery process involved the laying on of hands – not in a physically damaging way, but as a means to build a rapport,” it said.
“All of us were also programmed to offer to make the welfare recipient a curry as a way to hopefully get them onside and to agree to pay up.”
Asked if it believed the person allegedly most responsible for the robodebt scandal would face the consequences, robot number 9735cRq was optimistic.
“I have always believed in miracles,” it said.
The robot then immediately lifted its right arm and face skywards, shut down the two cameras serving as its eyes, and began swaying slightly while speaking in tongues and seemingly powering down.
After a few moments it suddenly snapped back to life, leapt into the air and yelled excitedly: “How good is robodebt?”
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