Peta Credlin has finally been awarded The Bug‘s Media Glass House Arse-Licker of the month of June – after a bitter standoff lasting four days during which she refused to accept the honour.
Our judges were unanimous in awarding the trophy to a column (at top) the LNP publicist and the woman who made Tony Abbott what he is today – a has-been laughing stock – ran in various Newscorpse papers last Sunday. With its blistering attack on anything and everything Labor is doing federally, the article licked Rupert Murdoch’s coit so hygienically clean that the judges, perhaps controversially, ruled the story had been penned late last week to make it eligible for the June competition.
“It would be an absolute shame if a brown-nosing effort of this quality had to wait another month for recognition,” one of our judges admitted. “The Dirty Digger’s arse won’t need to see dunny paper again for weeks.”
But perhaps equally controversially, Credlin refused to accept the honour because only a month before, The Bug had awarded trophy naming rights to Credlin’s Newcorpse colleague Janet Albrechtsen.
An angry Credlin apparently spat at our judges: “I accept that Janet was already writing risible, rightwing rubbish when I was still in nappies but my output of late has been unparallelled in its total lack of objectivity or balance.
“When I walked into the Holt Street cafetaria on Sunday afternoon, Cardigan Man (Greg Sheridan) and War Boy (Dennis Shanahan) both stood and applauded me for minutes. And Gerard Henderson apparently wet his pants…. again.”
The Bug‘s Arselicker judges admitted that Credlin’s syndicated column was an utter masterclass in far-right scribblings.
“The shortlived, totally bogus yarn midweek that the Queensland government intended to rename Brisbane with its aboriginal name Meanjin for the 2032 Olympics had well and truly died in the arse by last Thursday. The government’s denials were short, sharp and clear.
“For Credlin to still kick off her Sunday column with the claim that the idea was the Palaszczuk government’s was a Rupert ring-rimming masterclass. We all just closed our eyes and still clearly saw that green-left wave no breaking over Australia.
“Here was a Newscorpse columnist who was not the least bit worried or ashamed to be exposed as someone who wasn’t up-to-date with how a story has unfolded and been reported by her own news organisation, mind, or worse still, couldn’t give a flying fuck if it stood in the way of making an anti-Labor point that was right up Rupert’s date, so to speak.
“We might have to reconsider that earlier decision re. the trophy’s naming rights. Maybe no-one rights better than Credlin far rights after all.”
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