The Bug‘s resident sexologist answers readers’ questions including some you wish weren’t asked.
Dear Doctor Dick
Ever since I was a young boy I loved animals, especially dogs. It started when I was given my first puppy when I was just starting school.
My love of animals continued to grow and intensify when I became a teenager. I really did love them. Literally, if you know what I mean. (Dr Dick’s note: Yes, I do know.)
Dogs really did become my best friends – with benefits.
While society frowned on the type of affection I had and still have for our four-pawed companions, with some even denigrating it as “taboo”, I quickly found many others with views and practices similar to mine.
Lately, with society’s attitudes now more relaxed about personal sexual choices, I have been trying to launch an online app-based dating service to match like-minded people with those from the canine animal kingdom.
But my plans are being thwarted. No internet service provider will host my proposed website or app and I have been threatened by police with prosecution with legal action if I proceed on the “dark web”.
Even the government’s business names register refuses to accept my application to register the name of my new service Rin Tin Tinder.
What should I do?
Pet Lover
Brisbane
Doctor Dick replies:
Dear Pet Lover
Fuck me. You are one sick puppy.
***
Dear Doctor Dick
I keep reading a lot in the media about trans people and about some men who take the big step of becoming women.
Some go so far as to have gender reassignment surgery. I assume this means having their male genitalia removed and having a vagina shaped out of the bits left over.
I was hoping you might be able to tell me if the penises that are surgically removed might be available for transplanting to someone like me who has always dreamed of having two of them.
Call it a bit of a kink, but I reckon there’d be lots of fun to be had if I had not just one, but two penises. I’m sure any blokes reading this would agree.
So, can you advise if it is possible to obtain an unwanted penis and have it attached to me?
Spare Part
Wollongong
Doctor Dick replies:
Dear Spare Part
I only wish that your idea were possible because it seems to me that a second penis should be stitched to your forehead. That would very much suit you, you dickhead.
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