Feeling embarrassed yet if you’ve refused to step out and live life to the full since the cold weather settled in? Ugg boots and puffer jacket on, not feeling just a little silly as you sip your hot chocolate in front of your two-bar Hecla?
There’s a life to be had out there, people! And you’ll be completely safe and step out into the cold beyond if you follow the wise advise of arguably the world’s most accurate ever soothsayer, the man who has kept Bug readers safe for more than three decades now, the one and only KISMA ARYIAS!
CANCER – June 21 – July 22
You are not at all surprised when you read that Stuart Robert has been granted naming rights for the new National Anti-Corruption Commission that begins its duties tomorrow.
LEO – July 23 – August 22
But you do appreciate why Angus Taylor would be upset over not at least being considered for the honour.
VIRGO – August 23 – September 22
You reckon that even you – a complete and utter financial failure – could have turned a tidy profit in a very short time if you had been given the chance to buy PwC’s government consultancy business for $1.00.
LIBRA – September 23 – October 22
As a devoted fan since the start of her career and one of the first to buy her Sex book when it was first published in 1992, you hope Madonna recovers quickly and schedules some Australian dates in her upcoming world tour and that the 64-year-old will get her minge out for old time’s sake.
SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21
An insomniac your entire life, you are extremely grateful to the anonymous person who mailed you a series of Richard Marles speech tapes.
SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21
You can’t believe your luck when, walking down a darkened laneway late at night and carrying a 3kg Stuart Surridge cricket bat, you come face to face with the very executive at Channel 9 who thought the two-part Warnie mini-series would be a good idea.
CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19
You wonder if your hearing is deteriorating when you join what you think is your local Factitious Club and attend your first meeting only to find everyone wearing black shirts and discussing extreme-right politics.
AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18
You definitely book an appointment with an audiologist when you sign up for a seminar on the AUKUS pact only to be stuck in a room for an entire day listening to some bloke droning on about killer whales.
PISCES – February 19 – March 20
Maybe you over-ate or drank too much overnight but you wake up feeling lower than Pauline Hanson’s IQ.
ARIES – March 21 – April 19
Hearing that youth-crime rates have dropped in Queensland, you nevertheless hold out very little hope that you’ll hear or read any of that in The Courier-Mail or during Nine, Seven, Ten and ABC news bulletins.
TAURUS – April 20 – May 20
You sometimes wonder how former Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s overseas job hunting attempts are faring now that it’s been some months since he resigned from Parliament as the Member for Cook.
GEMINI – May 21 – June 20
You wait patiently for respected national politics scribe Phillip Coorey to emerge with a stinging, clinical, eviserating, slapdown of the NSW Independent Commission Against Corruption and a spirited, robust, defence, of Gladys Berejiklian, the woman who saved Australia.
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The Bug Online 