The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.
Late last week – after a lengthy hiatus where we had virtually given up trying to eliminate dangling participles from the breathless reports of tyro journos, particularly in the electronic mediocre – we had some fun with a Channel 9 Brisbane reporter who came up with this gem about the bashing death of an old man up on the Sunshine Coast: “Suffering severe head injuries, bystanders tried to revive him…”
We honestly had decided there and then to once again step well away from a lost cause but Sunday night’s Channel 9 news – with a double dose of danglers – caused a rethink. Bugger it, we said to ourselves, dangling participles are pretty galling so why should we tolerate them, especially when they are so easy to avoid?
Here are the two that followed in quick succession out of Sunday night’s 6pm bulletin. Firstly, we have Tyra Stowers (pictured at top) reporting from Broadbeach on the Gold Coast after two men and a women crashed through a plateglass window at a restaurant.
Take it away, Tyra: “Falling about four meres to the footpath below, witnesses watch on in horror before emergency services arrive.” Ouch! Talk about being caught up in the moment. No wonder so many first responders rocked up.
In the very next bulletin, Clare Todhunter is up in the Sunshine Coast hinterland where two women prospectors had been found safe and well after an unexpected night out in chilly bushland near Nanango.
Take it away, Clare. “Taken for a checkup, dehydrated, sore, but uninjured, police say it’s a timely reminder for anyone planning to head into bushland”. We hope those coppers have learnt their lesson!
We’ll finish off with this gem from Channel 9 Brisbane’s 6pm bulletin the previous night about a home invasion in Strathpine: “One of the occupants was threatened with a suspected firearm demanding cash before fleeing in a silver Mitsubishi Lancer”.
Police are still seeking CCTV or dashcam footage showing this cash-demanding firearm decamping from the crime scene and leaving the area behind the wheel of that car.
Probably a young recidivist firearm whose parents have lost total control! Surely a Tim Arvier follow-up is needed!
The bitter, tired, old hacks who compile Mediocre Bytes and its more serious sibling, Media Glass House, never done Senior English, so we’re not even sure what variation – or distant cousin – of a dangling participle that last example is. We just know it don’t sound right and we hope youse all agree.
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