CANBERRA: Aunty Pauline, national leader of the white indigenous One Nations people, is slowly recovering in a private Canberra Hospital from severe shock caused by an epiphany she experienced in the Senate yesterday afternoon.
Senator Hanson fainted dead away in the Upper Chamber at about 2.25pm and it took doctors quite some time after she arrived by ambulance at the hospital in leafy Manuka to bring her around and some hours after that before she started making any sense at all.
“I have steadfastedly declared throughout my entire public life that there’s not a racist bone in my body,” the proud leader of the white indigenous Bitchetty Grub peoples of the Ipswich region of south-east Queensland told The Bug this morning from her hospital bed. “And I truly believe that,” Aunty Pauline said in that wavering voice and with the fractured syntax that so endear her to her followers.
“But sitting in the Senate yesterday, I suddenly realised I can’t have it both ways. If I’m not racist – and I’m not – then what am I?”
The proud member of the Bitchetty Grub people’s sub clan, the fishandchippery mob who later extended their home territory to yam-digging in the Lockyer Valley, dabbed her eyes and slowly brought herself under control before continuing.
“I was just sitting in the chamber wondering if I should have worn my black burka seeing it’s winter when it hit me: the way I’ve always distorted the true meaning of #blacklivesmatter – a hashtag that is clearly meant to highlight the alarmingly high and totally disproportionate number of African Americans shot by US police for being out and about when they shouldn’t be or watching TV – by carrying on about how white lives matter and all lives matter too could be seen by some of my supporters as being racist. Gee willikers, I’d hate it if that’s happening.
“Almost immediately, another thought hit me. The way I whinge that it’s not fair that 4% of the Australian population should have a voice to parliament as a possible way of closing the gap – a way to reduce Indigenous disadvantage with respect to life expectancy, child mortality, access to early childhood education, educational achievement and employment outcomes could also be seen by some of my supporters as being racist. I truly would hate that and I’d seek a ‘please explain’ from them.
“Almost no time passed at all when I thought – and it’s very rare for me to have so many thoughts in a row like that – bugger it, the way I carry on about how dare I should need to be invited by my indigenous First Nations brothers and sisters onto country I own equally with that mob as an indigenous white Australian could also be seen by some of my supporters as being racist. That would indeed be terrible.
“All these thoughts made me come to a rather bitter realisation as I mentioned earlier,” Aunty Pauline added before pausing again to stifle another sob.
“I’ll repeat it here. If I’m not racist – and I’m absolutely sure I’m not – then what am I?”
“By the way I’ve distorted everything I’ve mentioned here and by the mere fact that I continue pushing the idea that the dar… the coo … the first peoples of this nation are being given something for free that us indigenous white folk are not being given and therefore that’s terribly unfair… if I’m not racist, then…,” she said, pausing again briefly.
“It must mean I’m just plain fucking stupid. I am, aren’t I?”
At this point, the national leader of the white indigenous One Nations people lapsed back into unconsciousness and highly trained nurses didn’t come running.
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