Lord Downer has added his voice to calls for ex-Liberal Victorian Senator, David Van, to quit federal parliament following allegations of sexual harassment levelled against him.
His Lordship summoned reporters to his family seat Pout House in the Adelaide Hills where he had ordered household staff to corral them at the estate’s eastern gatehouse.
After several hours Lord Downer arrived in a sedan chair (main picture) carried by four strapping young under-footmen.
His Lordship emerged from the sedan chair, scanned the assembled media representatives and after sneering in their general direction, withdrew a nosegay from his left laced cuff and held it to his face before breathing deeply then beginning his remarks.
“I shall be brief in my utterances for two important reasons,” His Lordship said to the gathering. “First, I detest noisome riff raff such as you and, second, I do not wish to spend any more time than necessary in your presence.”
His Lordship then explained he would soon be re-entering his sedan chair to make the 1,200km journey to Canberra.
“I shall be making for Canberra post-haste to ensure that detestable beast from Victoria sullies our nation’s Senate for not a minute longer than it takes for him to resign and for my dear darling daughter Lady Georgina (below) to be installed to replace him as Senator for Victoria,” Lord Downer said.
“The man is clearly a cad. Imagine it – pinching a woman’s derriere,” he said, emphasising the word “woman’s”.
“His resignation is the obvious and logical solution to the problem and at the same time will avoid the unnecessary impost of having my dear darling Georgina – who currently resides in Melbourne – face a so-called ‘vote’ at a so-called ‘election’.
“Inflicting on her that sort of indignity would be reprehensible and ….,” he said before his voice cracked and he began to slump sideways, being saved from falling by a strapping young under-footmen.
Regaining his composure, His Lordship called an end to the news conference and took his place in his sedan chair.
Before departing His Lordship stuck his head out of its window to explain the conveyance’s significance.
“I have chosen to use my very best sedan chair which is enamelled green with gold trim to reflect the colours of our nation which my family and my family alone built,” He said.
“You should also note on its doors the Downer family coat of arms consisting of a heater shield as escutcheon with a field azure, divided party per pall, the charge being a cock rampant with right wing prominent, and supporters of fishnetted and stilettoed legs akimbo both dexter and sinister.
“Not only will this chair carry me to Canberra today, but it will also be employed in the procession of adoration I am planning for my dear darling Georgina when she travels from Melbourne to our nation’s capital to take her rightful place as Senator for life in its upper house.
His Lordship then directed the under-footmen to go as fast as they could non-stop for all 1,200kms because he wanted to reach his Canberra lodgings before nightfall.
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