Lowe shows his kinder side

SYDNEY: Families struggling with soaring costs of living should drink plenty of water at bedtime to mask hunger pains and ensure a good night’s sleep, Reserve Bank of Australia chairman Philip Lowe has told a business breakfast here.

Pouring and drinking several glasses of water (above) to demonstrate his more compassionate side and helpful hint, Mr Lowe stressed that a solid night’s rest was essential for people working two or more jobs a day to make ends meet.

“Simply by employing that measure and cutting back on other household expenses such as using electricity or gas, those families will, with perhaps one extra part-time job a day each, soon find themselves in a cashflow positive position, and by that I mean they’ll be able to afford some of the wonderful products provided by all of you fine business folk here,” Mr Lowe told the Supermarket Operators Guild of Australasia.

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BRISBANE: Aunty Pauline, the national leader of the white indigenous One Nations people, has demanded that the Queensland Government immediately reverse yesterday’s decision to rename Fraser Island K’Gari, its traditional aboriginal name.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body but the Palaszczuk mob need to blacktrack (sic) on this stupid and unfair decision,” Aunty Pauline declared as she mistakenly tied herself to the railing of the vehicular ferry that services North Stradbroke Island, some ways south of the heritage-listed wonder that is K’Gari, the world’s largest sand island.

Aunty Pauline’s own mob, the Bitchitygrub fishing and chipperie peoples, settled the Ipswich region and spread later into the Lockyer Valley where they harvested yams.

“Eliza’s life mattered too,” said Aunty Pauline, referring to Scotswoman Eliza Fraser who was shipwrecked on K’Gari in the 1830s and after whom it was renamed from the earlier settlers’ choice, Great Sandy Island.

“Both the One Nation and First Nations people have an equal share in this beautiful island and I’m buggered if I’ll ever accept being invited to somewhere I bloody well own along with everyone else,” Aunty Pauline declared, stating once more that there was not a racist bone in her entire body.

“Black sand. White sand. It’s all the same to me although black sand is hotter to walk on,” she said.

“And I’m not going anywhere until this island’s traditional name is restored,” she shouted as the ferry’s engines roared into life to depart Dunwich on North Straddie’s stillwater western side.

“Love you, Fraser Island!” she shouted in that wavering and uncertain voice she bungs on to make herself look like a little Aussie battler and that so endears her to her band of followers.

As this post was being uploaded, Aunty Pauline had still not been told she had picked the wrong island but nevertheless had made four trips across Moreton Bay with plenty more scheduled for the rest of today.

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