FADDEN BY-ELECTION:
Three last-minute nominations have been received by the Liberal National Party of Queensland as it meets today to choose a candidate to stand in the by-election for the federal seat of Fadden on the Gold Coast.
All three eleventh-hour nominations are women and all have received the endorsement of Liberal Party grandee and former foreign minister Lord Alexander Downer.
All three nominations were delivered to the party’s local Gold Coast office by a herald travelling by sedan chair carried by four semi-clad young footmen.
The herald unfurled three separate parchments containing the nomination of each last-minute candidate and, after pausing for the playing of God Save the King by a lone bagpiper, read each aloud and then handed them to an LNP official.
The three additional candidates to be considered by party members later today are Georgina Lyda, Lynda Georgia, and Georgi La Nady. (left to right in main picture)
All are 43 years of age and all were born in Adelaide Hills but currently work in Melbourne.
The herald informed party officials that all three women would not be attending the preselection meeting today but would be available via an online meeting app to be questioned.
“But only by their equals,” he added. “Certainly they will not be exposed to nor will they respond to any untitled riff raff.”
The herald also handed over three endorsements of the candidates signed by Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills.
Each contained identical language and stated that His Lordship had known each would-be by-election candidate for 43 years and could “vouch for her standing and breeding”.
“Any one of the three young ladies will make a wonderful addition to our national parliament and should be endorsed immediately by acclamation,” he suggested in his endorsements.
“I see no need to fritter away time on silly votes to choose a candidate for Fadden when all three young ladies are ready and willing to serve.
“Neither do I see why we need to actually hold a by-election when one of the three could easily take her seat in our federal parliament without the wasteful kerfuffle of so-called ‘voting’ by so-called ‘voters’, just because we are forced to abide by some outmoded adherence to so-called ‘democracy’,” he said.
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 