Well, it’s now official. Nothing – and we mean absolutely nothing – can embarrass the Channel 9 News Brisbane newsreading team of Andrew Lofthouse and Melissa Downes.
In recent times, what is supposed to be a serious, professional and respected hourly news bulletin has descended into laughable free plugs for the most unworthy of news items – and our newsreading pair have happily gone along with them all.
And none have been more embarrassing than Tuesday night’s free plug for Costco Wholesale, the third such shameless promotion for the membership-only retailer in the last month or so.
Tuesday’s hot yarn? That a petrol station at Upper Coomera on the top end of the Gold Coast is offering discounted petrol to Costco members!
Here’s how it unfolded. Lofthouse, just before the bulletin’s first ad break: “Save 30 cents a litre .. the new south-east service station guaranteeing customers low prices.”
That background rumble heard all over the south-east was the sound of residents scurrying to the toilet for a pit stop to be back in time to hear this top piece of news.
Take it away, Melissa Downes a few minutes later: “The new Costco fuel station is officially open at Upper Coomera; standard unleaded petrol on offer for $1.58 a litre compared to the average price at other stations of $1.70…”
Get ready for this bit, you BUGers out there!
“…that’s a saving of more than 30 cents for customers who sign up as [Costco] members. The Costco store itself won’t be open until June.”
So, have we all spotted the very good reasons why Andrew Lofthouse and Melissa Downes should have been red-faced at the end of it all and it’s to their shame that they weren’t?
Firstly, for even agreeing to promote and then read such a shit non-story. If a yarn that a little Upper Coomera servo is selling discount petrol to the very limited number of locals who are Costco members is news, then The Bug is and has always been a highly profitable news outfit and all of its journalists are multi Walkley award winners.
Second, for giving all their viewers the impression they must have failed every year of state-school maths. The difference between $1.58 and $1.70 wasn’t more than 30 cents at the beginning of the week. It wasn’t the case on Tuesday night and will remain very much not the case next week and for quite some time after that!
Look, we appreciate that our newsreading pair don’t write the shit they are paid large amounts of money to read out. For that reason, the following graphic is totally unfair.
We have enormous faith in these two that if they had a bowl of six apples and took out two, they’d know exactly how many are left.
But we also believe that seeing they’ve been round long enough to remember when Nine was Still the One for news, they’d be entitled to demand more money for the shit they’ve been forced to read out far too often of late.
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