Former Prime Minister John Howard remains in a serious condition in a Sydney private hospital after bursting with pride on realising that Australia has turned out after all very much the way he planned for and hoped it would.
Mr Howard, 83, has had more than 243 stitches to close some 12 burst points. He is expected to make a full recovery although he is likely to stay in the Sir Robert Askin ward at the Sir Robert Menzies Private Hospital for Former Charismatic National Leaders with Unsurpassed Oratorical Skills and Exemplary Honesty in leafy Double Bay for several more weeks.
Mrs Janette Howard, looking robust and chunky and in rude good health as if to defy her own 78 years, told The Bug her husband had become quite morose over recent times as he begun to suspect Australia had not been transformed into his own image through the 11 years of his prime ministership.
“The silly old thing still thinks he’s PM, by the way, which is why he’s always on the hustings attracting large chunks of votes to the Liberal cause.
“But events in recent times, such as the growing support for a No vote in the Voice referendum as more and more Australians are waking up to the simple fact: why should the dar… the coo … the abo… the First Nations people … get something not being offered to us whities?, lifted his spirits considerably.
“And then on Wednesday when he heard Sky News’s national political editor Andrew Clennell demanding to know from Treasurer Jim Chalmers at the National Press Club why people with jobs should have to pay for people on welfare, the dear thing jumped out of his rocker, cast aside the dark blue shawl I had crocheted for him, knocked over his mug of hot ovaltine and shouted ‘Dole bludgers!’ and ‘The aged pension will send this country broke!’.
“He then shouted: “Aah, aaah, aaah… I’ll determine how racist and selfish and scared and insular this country becomes and the manner .. aah, aah, aah …by which all of that happens!”
Mrs Howard then used both forefingers to point to various parts of her own svelte and cuddly body to show exactly where her husband had then burst with pride upon realising his mission in life had been successfully completed after all.
As this story was being prepared for uploading, The Bug understands Mr Howard continues to lapse in and out of consciousness in his private room in hospital, shouting “Make your own luck in life or get left behind!” and “My country, right or wrong” every now and then.
Nurses have also had to foil numerous attempts by Mr Howard to get out of bed and stand to attention to hum God save the King and a catchy little tune he has apparently penned himself, Long May the Gap between Rich and Poor Live and Widen, as loudly as his dear frail old voice would allow.
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