The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.
It is a very rare thing indeed when the bitter, washed up, old journo hacks who compile Mediocre Bytes have anything remotely nice to say about Andrew Bolt.
But here goes! And please excuse the absence of this column for a while as those compilers undergo extensive professional counselling that was still required after a Bex and a good lie down.
The fact is that we think Bolt and his Sky News program a week ago was the only time a mainstream media outlet – okay, okay, we know including Sky News in that is a stretch! – played the video of the large crowd at a Celtic football match in Scotland singing “You can shove the coronation up your arse!” over and over.
And on the surface, that’s an amazing thing to report during an almost universal showing of media forelock-tucking over the coronation and the blatant revisionist theory of Charles as a really nice person deep down, rather than the curmudgeonly, totally self-centred, plant-talking-to, tampon-replacing, arrogant privileged prick we know him to be.
Of course, Bolt as it turned out didn’t let us down. It’s amost as if he wanted to run that football stadium footage so he could provide context to placate the likes of rusted-on royalists such as Tony Abbott and David Flint and, of course, himself.
“That culture there is kinda pro-IRA,” Bolt explained to Sky News presenter and “journalist” Danica De Giorgo in London. “That lot is pretty untamable.”
Bolt didn’t say “They are just a mob of Catholic bombthrowers and murderers” but he probably wanted to.
He asked De Giorgo: “Do you reckon they would have sung as loudly and lustily for Queen Elizabeth?”
Di Giorgo reckoned they would have as “Celtic fans have notoriously been against the monarchy.”
We now come to the bit of logical disconnect that anyone associated with Sky News seems to be afflicted with the moment they accept employment with Newscorpse.
Di Giorgo said the chanting “happened within hours” than the British people had been invited/encouraged to pledge their allegiance to King Charles 3 as he was being crowned.
Mediocre Bytes simply makes the point that no such suggestion preceded the coronation of Queen Elizabeth in 1953.
The “shove the coronation up your arse” chant, which seemed to be very, very well supported around the stadium, was in response to a bloke who could not control himself in a room full of people and threw tantrums over a leaky pen and a crowded desk and who thought it was a good idea to suggest that Britons everywhere join in to pledge their loyalty to him as the God-given defender of the faith.
Still, Bolt seemed to be reassured by De Giorgo’s logic-free explanation as to why a stadium broke out in that song. The covert message was that it was just a little conclave of murdering Catlic scum behaving very poorly, totally ignoring the reality that the chant happened in a country that in 2014 came very close to quitting the union, and that was before the fiasco of the 2016 Brexit decision based on some of the biggest lies in world politics history as to the economic advantages from quitting Europe, and during the latter stages of the reign of someone who was actually nice, had performed admirably for seven decades and, what can we say, even some Celtic supporters would have admired.
And before we finish, Mediocre Bytes would just like to tell Bolt: the word those football fans were chanting is ARSE! Arse, Andrew! There’s no logical reason to block it out.
We really don’t think there are going to be too many children watching a Sky News program pitched at cookers, rightwing nut jobs, religious fanatics, proud boys, conspiracy theorists and sadsack Australians angry that life has passed them rather cruelly by, among others.
And even if there were some kiddylicks tuning in and Bolt and his producers wanted to improve their written English, the word is “your”, not “you’re”, okay? One is the possessive “your”, as in “your arse”; the other is the contraction of “you are” as in “you are” a total fuckwit. It’s not that hard, really.
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