The US Justice Department has explained the delay in formally charging former President Donald Trump (main picture) in relation to the alleged payment of hush money to ex-porn star Stormy Daniels.
A departmental spokesperson in New York admitted that charges were ready to be laid at least a fortnight ago when Trump himself publicly announced the department’s intentions.
But, the spokesperson said “serious logistical problems” had since arisen.
“For a start we can’t find a pair of handcuffs small enough to clap on Trump’s wrists,” the spokesperson said.
“While we thought any set of cuffs used for juvenile offenders would fit the bill, we have been informed that even they would be swimming on his wrists.
“So Trump won’t be appearing in a New York court until we can source suitable handcuffs.
“We are also trying to solve the problem of how we dress Trump once he is officially charged and is designated as an offender.
“Normally we cuff offenders and dress them in bright orange overalls before sending them to one of our remand centres to await trial if they don’t make bail or are deemed a flight risk.
“But our computer modelling using photos of the ex-President show that if we dress him in the standard bright orange prison wear he is actually totally camouflaged and literally disappears when viewed through our jail security TV systems.”
The spokesperson said solutions to both problems were being pursued and the department hoped solutions could be found soon.
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