The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively paint a worrying picture of the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

Using words for words’ sake

This column is always amused when tyros in our once great craft use words and phrases because they sound nifty and punchy. These young’uns show little concern for what they really mean and if the truth be known, don’t really care.

We had fun recently with the young reporter who talked about the father who “bled out” on his driveway after being stabbed. He was shown later recovering in hospital, the first person in history to have survived bleeding out.

It reminded us of the scene from MASH when this patient walks past The Swamp and Trapper John says: “I thought you said he died?” and Hawkeye replies: “He got better.” Or words to that effect; MASH aficionados please don’t write in.

Anyway, back to tyros experimenting with words for experiment sake. It’s like, you know, it’s like we should know, like, what these young reporters are trying to say so, like, accept it because we all know that English, like, is a moving and ever-changing feast …. like.

So, we now turn to tyro Clare Todhunter who was up at Petrie Terrace for Channel 9’s 6pm Brisbane news last night, setting the scene for the Broncos/Dolphins clash at Suncorp Stadium.

She was doing okay too … until this …. “…while back out on Caxton Street, the Broncos supporters outnumbered the turncoats…”

Oh, dear. Will Clare ever get to know how offensive it was to accuse the thousands of Dolphins fans of being deserters of the great Broncos cause? League fans who made their way up from the Redcliffe Peninsula – many from families with a tradition of supporting that club since its foundation in 1947 – would be entitled to be very angry at that description.

We probably know the answer to whether Clare can learn anything from this. Most likely not. Clare won’t read this. No-one at Channel 9 will have a word to her over that blunder, because there’s probably no mentoring structure there any more, just like many newsrooms, print and electronic.

Clare instead has probably already pasted her segment into her CV data base and will remain proud as punch of it as she plots her next promotion and wonders how much longer Melissa Downes can carry on.

Clare also talked about the rivalry that had split the city, but because the compilers of Mediocre Bytes may be bitter, washed up and twisted, they are not pedantic and therefore forgive her for having to go along with this Battle of Brisbane marketing bullshit.

But the bottomline is Redcliffe is not part of the City of Brisbane and Clare is wrong to say it is. Redcliffe is a city in its own right across the waters of Hays Inlet and Bramble Bay, so maybe this is what we should have been seeing on our screens last night.

But that lacks in marketing impact doesn’t it? So is Clare forced to say things that aren’t true, which is not good look? Maybe not. Maybe an older and wiser Clare will now just use “Brisbane” as the short form to describe that large coastal plain that is the GBA. Trust us, Clare: you’ll feel better about yourself doing that while still going along with Nine’s marketing malarkey.

But things are the way they are. Channel 9 Brisbane is the Broncos and the Broncos are Brisbane. Live in Brisbane and as matters stand, it looks like Clare believes you have a moral and civic duty to support that team. Even people who live somewhere else are expected to do the right thing or risk being called really awful names, like.

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Mediocre Bytes is grateful to now retired but still legendary rugby league writer Barry Dick for this little beauty!

Now living on the Sunshine Coast, he observed on Facebook: Express in the UK, reporting on the story of the three teenage girls up here in court for torturing another girl had: “The ghastly incident took place in the Gold Coast town of Tewantin in Western Australia on March 11.” Gold Coast? Western Australia? Geez, guys, google it.

We couldn’t agree more, Barry! Ah… the once great craft of journalism. RIP.