Okay, all you BUGsters out there: hands up if you believe Russia is “rapidly rebuilding” the Ukrainian city of Mariupol it bombed into near-oblivion at the start of its invasion in February 2022?

Hmm. Next to nobody then? The cynical old hacks who compile the MGH don’t do research – we’re a satire site for fuck’s sake; we make things up! – but we tend to agree.

Our ever-increasing gut feeling is that if we could send a drone over the shattered south-east Ukrainian city we wouldn’t see too many cranes littering what’s left of the city’s skyline. We suspect the city’s mayor in exile would use some choice Ukrainian swear words if we called on him to at least thank Russia for rebuilding his city so quickly.

But Channel 9’s Brett McLeod on Monday night declared that rapid rebuild as a fact. Not attributed to anyone. Just a rolled gold, deadset, mother of pearl fact.

Take it away, Brett: ….”a city being rapidly rebuilt after being reduced to ruins in the Russian invasion at a cost of thousands of lives”.

McLeod – we don’t think he deserves to be called Brett anymore – then waxed lyrical about the locals heaping praise on Putin during the Russian president’s surprise visit to the city: “Locals surprised to see who had dropped in, inviting Putin into their homes, telling him they were grateful for the new apartments being built.”

The MGH simply cannot see a rapid rebuild of a city Russia reduced to ruins being Russia’s main priority at the moment in a still very volatile warzone. They’ve got hundreds of thousands of replacement troops to clothe, train and pay; countless millions to allied countries for the missiles and other munitions they are fast running out of. It’s not cheap reducing large parts of a large country like Ukraine to rubble.

Maybe McLeod is right about the Mariupol rebuild but at the very least we can accuse him of unprofessional conduct for not attributing such an amazing claim to someone.

And if he feels the need to brush up his journalism skills, McLeod should look no further than Steve Cannane’s report over on the ABC the same night. Cannane talked about some “allegedly rehoused residents” being shown in the footage of Putin’s visit. And that the vision broadcast by Russian state television showed none of devastation as “90 percent of the city’s buildings were destroyed” in the Russian attack.

In other words, Cannane being the true professional he is wasn’t tricked by Putin and his deputy pouring over some residential building plans and talking to a few grateful souls keen to thank Russia for making up for destroying their city and killing thousands of people by rebuilding one inner-city apartment block – fuck, it might be a display unit for all we fucking well know! – and fixing up a cinema.