ANIMAL WELFARE:

WASHINGTON DC: American veterinary experts have warned would-be cat owners to think carefully before buying a new breed that exhibits never-before-seen and highly unusual behaviour.

The first litters of the new breed, known as magas, (main picture) have caused problems for their owners by exhibiting highly disruptive and at times offensive behaviour.

The American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) said people thinking of buying a maga should do their homework.

AVMA president Dr Kay Nein (pictured) said she had personal experience of the problems, having been an early buyer of a maga kitten soon after they were released to the market.

“It was just after I took mine home that it began to cause problems,” Dr Nein said.

“At first my pussy just sat sullenly in a corner, then it took to making these unusual noises. It wasn’t meowing like a normal cat. It was sort of tweeting.

“At the same time it began showing aggressive, almost violent behaviour if it didn’t get its own way.

“It also began to constantly attack me right after I fed it, as if I had stolen its food, even though I hadn’t.”

“To make matters worse, cats are supposed to hate water but this stupid thing would jump into the toilet bowl overnight if I foolishly left the lid up. I’d wake up some mornings to find my pussy has never been as wet.”

Dr Nein said to make matters worse the cat regularly exhibited anti-social behaviour such as grabbing her genitals.

“I’ve been a vet for decades yet it’s the first time I have ever seen a pussy grab anyone’s genitals, let alone mine,” she said.

“In the end I grew tired of its behaviour and I really couldn’t bear to look at it.

“I know it sounds shallow, but I soon came to really dislike its chubby, smug yet sour-looking face and highly coloured ginger fur that looked like it was fake.”

Dr Nein said as a professional veterinarian she was ashamed of, but did not regret, the way she resolved her cat problem.

“In the end I just got out the ‘green dream’ needle and offed the useless miserable self-centred fat fucker,” she said. “Sometimes that’s the only thing you can do.”