A senior Russian Government official has defended President Vladimir Putin after the overnight news broke that the International Criminal Court has issued an arrest warrant on Putin over alleged war crimes in Ukraine.

Doctor Yuri Zhivago, a national security adviser based in the Kremlin, spoke exclusively to The Bug‘s Moscow bureau.

The Bug: Thank you for agreeing to this interview Doctor Zhivago.

YZ: It’s no problem.

The Bug: Before we start talking about the Ukraine war and the overnight news from the ICC, we…..

YZ: You mean the special military operation. There is no war.

The Bug: Yeah, right. Look, I just have to ask, are you connected in any way to the character in Boris Pasternak’s book which was famously made into a film in the 1960s by legendary director David Lean?

YZ: I get asked that all the time. (laughs) I am connected to the film but only because I legally changed my name to Doctor Yuri Zhivago after first seeing it on the big screen many years ago.

The Bug: Really? You were that inspired by it?

YZ: It was more a case of me not really liking my birth name.

The Bug: Which was?

YZ: Omar Sharif.

The Bug: You’re kidding?

YZ: No. My mother was a big fan of the film too.

The Bug: So Dr Zhivago, or can I call you Yuri?

YZ: I prefer Doctor.

The Bug: Oh. Sure. If you insist on formality I’m happy to do that.

YZ: It’s not an insistence on formality and I’m not actually a doctor. When I changed my name I gave myself the new first name of Doctor just to embrace the book and the film’s lead character as much as possible. Yuri is actually my middle name.

The Bug: Oh, right. I guess we’ll need to change the initials we’re using in this transcript to identify you.

YZ: Guess so.

The Bug: Shouldn’t take too long. In fact…. there. Done.

DZ: Ah, that’s better. Thanks. And very impressive if I may say so.

The Bug: Thanks. Now to be frank, the war against Ukraine….

DZ: The special military action.

The Bug: Whatever. Didn’t the conflict start because Vladimir Putin has what’s called “small man syndrome”? You know, he’s a squirt, a paranoid shortarse, an insecure little cu….. err, runt trying to compensate for a life led sniffing the navels of other, bigger, taller, stronger, and more secure men?

DZ: He is not a small man. He is a giant. I’ve known him for years and he towers over me. See this photo of me with him? (main picture) He’s so tall. And strong too. You’ve seen the pictures of him riding horses without a shirt – him, I mean, not the horses – as well as skiing and chopping wood. Again, him not the horse.

The Bug: Of course. By the way how tall are you?

DZ: I’m just over six feet tall.

The Bug: Regardless, hasn’t the invasion backfired? I mean Putin has managed to unite all NATO nations and even Russia’s neighbour Finland is seeking to join NATO to boost its security as well as building a border wall to keep out anyone fleeing Russia.

DZ: They are?

The Bug: Yes, it’s been in the news in recent weeks.

DZ: Sorry, but being a high-ranking Russian Government official on an overseas mission when it comes to the news I’m usually too…..

The Bug: Too busy to monitor the news?

DZ: No, too pissed. But I am very interested in that wall. Is it finished?

The Bug: Yes, by definition it is Finnish.

DZ: No, no. Is it finished. Is it built yet?

The Bug: No, they are still working on it. Finland says it’s needed because there will be plenty of people escaping Russia once Putin needs to start conscripting more and more, and older and older soldiers to head to the front.

(Doctor Zhivago stands and starts leaving)

The Bug: Where are you going?

DZ: I’m rushin’.

The Bug: Yes, I know you’re Russian.

DZ: No, no. I’m rushin’.

The Bug: Oh. Rushin’ where?

DZ: I’m rushin’ home then I’m rushin’ across the Finnish border. See you.

(Doctor Zhivago then ran out of the room)