The Brisbane Bolts will host a special memorial service today for five members of the rival start-up JDG franchise, the West Brisbane Wankers, who died in a series of mysterious, coincidental, but so far officially unconnected tragedies last week.

The open-air service will be held at the near-city training grounds and clubhouse of the Brisbane Bolts because the Wankers’ ground is still off-limits after being declared a crime scene.
Acting chair of the Brisbane Bolts, Sir Lillian Pansy, said the club was still in shock after the deaths of the five members of the Wankers club which had only just been granted a competing JDG franchise and was set to play its first match this coming weekend.
“Coincidentally the Wankers were to face off against the Bolts, but since the recent multiple tragedies I’d hope,… I mean I’d suggest that the entire future of the new club is thankfully…. I mean, is obviously in doubt,” Sir Lillian said.
Police say they are no closer to explaining how or why the West Brisbane Wankers club was struck by multiple and similar deaths over just a few hours and only days after being granted a full club franchise by the game’s national control body the JDG.
Just after 11pm on Tuesday night the chair of the Wankers, noted Asian-Australian businessman Cho Kon Dong, and the club’s CEO, ex-Bolts assistant CEO, Doug “Dug” Ditch, were killed when its western suburbs headquarters complex collapsed as they were working in their offices. (main picture)
That tragedy was followed in the early hours of Wednesday by the collapse of the house of the new club’s head coach Dick “Dicky” Saunders, half-brother of the Bolts’ head coach Jack Saunders.
Then just before dawn on Wednesday the newly named captain of the Wankers, Dick “Dicky Dick” Dick, perished when the unit block in which he lived collapsed with the loss of 11 other lives. (pictured)

The fifth member of the new club to die was Brisbane amateur actor Bertram “Hammy” Bacon, who was killed just before 9am on Wednesday when his home collapsed.
Bacon had just secured his first full-time professional role after being hired to perform as the new club’s mascot, Jizzy.
His fellow members of the Western Suburbs Amateur Theatre Company have remembered Bacon as an “enthusiastic” actor who most recently stunned audiences with his portrayal of Hamlet (below) in the company’s production of Romeo and Juliet.
Queensland Police have established a special task force to investigate the series of building collapses which had reportedly all been preceded by sounds of small controlled explosions.
Police would not detail their current lines of inquiry nor comment on whether investigations involved an examination of the background of the CEO of the Brisbane Bolts, Terry Verandah, who owned and operated a demolition company prior to his current role.
Lead investigator, Inspector Vince Verandah, said police had “very little to go on” in terms of forensic evidence.

Terry Verandah’s company, Verandah Demolition Pty Ltd, operated throughout Brisbane using the slogan “We don’t just demolish verandahs”.
Mr Verandah did not wish to comment when approached by reporters outside his home.
“You dog-fucking reptiles in the media can all go fuck yourselves with a frozen-vomit dildo,” he said. “If you don’t all fuck off I’ll slit you each from ear to ear via your taint.
“I’ve killed and I’m not afraid to kill again,” he declared before entering his house and slamming the front door.
Bolts coach, Jack Saunders, dismissed the rumours about Verandah’s involvement in the recent deaths and also played down his threats to reporters.
“It’s just a bit of hi-jinks – just some good natured horseplay,” Saunders said.
DISCLAIMER: The Bug is an official sponsor and media partner of the Brisbane Bolts.

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