Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills has offered to personally support a plan by the Melbourne City Council to erect more statues of women prominent in the city’s public life.
His Lordship this morning called together members of the media at his family seat Pout House to deliver his annual International Women’s Day address.
Arriving at the east wing porte cochere in a panda-skin-trimmed sedan chair, Lord Downer emerged from the conveyance to point out that he had insisted it be carried today by women.
Waving his jewel-encrusted ivory swagger stick at the four frail, sweating, and exhausted chambermaids conscripted to undertake the task, he declared: “Despite their delicate sensibilities and bodies, it is lovely to see these pretty young lasses doing the same job as the houseboys who usually transport me.
“And transport me they do……,” His Lordship continued before seemingly losing his train of thought, closing his eyes, and musing aloud about the “taut and rippling young bodies” of the male members on his staff.
Regaining his focus, Lord Downer referred to press reports which outlined plans by the City of Melbourne to honour more women who had contributed to the city and who reflected its diversity and inclusivity. (at right)
“I can think of no better person to be immortalised for her contribution to the Melbourne community – nay, the Australian community – than my dear darling daughter Lady Georgina,” he said.
“She embodies diversity and inclusivity as evidence by her sterling work with organisations such as the Institute of Public Affairs and the Robert Menzies Institute both of which welcome and encourage people and their views from across the political spectrum – from the right to the far right.
“How much more diverse and inclusive can one get?” His Lordship asked.
When a member of the assembled media contingent began to offer an answer, Lord Downer cut him dead with a razor-sharp pursing of lips.
He then outlined his plan to personally fund a statue of Lady Georgina and even unveiled a scale model of his proposed erection. (main picture)
“This is the least I can do and this statue should go some way to recompense my dear darling daughter for so far missing out on assuming her rightful place in our nation’s parliament where should would rightly continue our families role in building our nation,” he said, his voice wavering with emotion.
Pausing and seemingly overcome and unable to continue speaking, Lord Downer waved his swagger stick at the chambermaids still sprawled exhausted on the ground who roused themselves and lifted the sedan chair to allow His Lordship to enter.
“Take me to the house boys,” he directed before repeating the instruction so as to avoid confusion.
“Take me to the houseboys,” he shouted as the sedan chair moved off with the chambermaids struggling to keep it upright.
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