As expected, The Bug’s Media Glass House Arselicker-of-the-Month of February award has gone to The Australian‘s Janet Albrechtsen and Stephen Rice for a creative writing display that the award judges unanimously declared to be “vomitously illogical and yet somehow a work of such brownnosing beauty that it almost deserves praise”.
The judges were referring of course to the pair’s effort in The Weekend Australian a few weeks back and their cloyingly sympathetic interview with arguably the former Morrison government’s worse minister Linda Reynolds (below). Yes, we accept that’s a big call.
In that extensive piece, the two Oz journalists had a much greater task than just to put the lying cow Reynolds in a good light. Brittany Higgins was truly in their sights as they did their best to suggest alleged rape victim Higgins could not be believed as to what happened in Parliament House early one morning in March 2019 because she was wearing a Carla Zampatti jacket as she exited the building the next morning.
In a Twitter plug, the national broadshit claimed “the coat defines the gaping divide between the public’s perception of the Higgins saga and what others knew”. The article offered no such explanation, of course. Just mindless, rightwing, nutjobbery twaddle spewed forth to protect a former Morrison minister totally undeserving of protection and to damage Higgins, thus giving the authors’ senior editors and a flaccid-arsed, money-hungry, ethically bereft, criminally inclined, viagra overdosed, nonagenarian cunt in New York half a mongrel each. Oh well, maybe not the cunt in the Big Apple.
“They say everyone has their price,” one of our award judges said.
“But our judging panel with almost two centuries of journalism to their collective credits reckon Albrechtsen and Rice would have to be paid millions of dollars a year to write shit as embarrassing and as puerile as that.
“Imagine the shame they should be feeling if they’re being paid anything less!
“After that front-page effort in the Weekend Oz, we reckon you could have safely eaten a meal off Rupert Murdoch’s muckhole for the best part of a week. Ditto for the senior editors in Holt Street.
“That article showed two top-shelf professional NewsCorp writers virtually rimming with confidence. Albrechtsen and Rice are true ringmasters; championship coit cleaners without peer.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The Bug apologises for the late announcement of our February Arselicker award. Rather embarrassingly, we have to admit that an ugly all-in brawl erupted in our judging room on the mezzanine level of The Bug‘s main news HQ over whether Janet Albrechtsen and Stephen Rice should be granted permanent naming rights to the trophy after this month’s efforts. Blood was spilt as one very aggravated judge suggested they should wait to see what the Herald Sun‘s James Campbell might be planning to pen from Melbourne about what the clothes Chris Minns choses to wear says about his sincerity, decency and indeed fitness for high office!
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