SYDNEY MARDI GRAS:

Former prime minister Scott Morrison has challenged the veracity of reports that Anthony Albanese is the first person to hold the office to march in the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade.

Multiple news outlets have reported Mr Albanese’s participation as PM in last night’s parade in inner-Sydney. But Mr Morrison today declared the reports to be inaccurate.

“The news stories I’ve seen so far all ignore my decision as prime minister to march in the Mardi Gras,” he said. “Perhaps my mistake was not to march under my own name.”

Mr Morrison explained that he had marched in previous Mardi Gras Parades as Cookie Engadine. (below)

“I created the character of Cookie Engadine in tribute both to my electorate and to the place where, as everyone knows, I uncontrollably shit myself at the local Maccas,” he said.

“I was so pissed then that I farted but followed through and uncorked a stinking stream that resembled a rancid Maccas’ chocolate soft-serve ice cream minus the cone.

“How good is uncontrollably shitting your pants?” Mr Morrison yelled.

He said even when the Mardi Gras Parade could not be staged on public streets because of COVID lockdowns he had held his own private parade at Kirribilli House. (main picture)

“I even invented a new character, Leather Daddy of the Nation, for the occasion,” he said.

“I would like to think that the media might correct the reports they have published about Anthony Albanese’s attendance at last night’s parade and to give me credit for being the first PM to march in the parade with all those woolly-woo…. those GLBIETEIEIO people.

“They might also take the opportunity to report the fact that when I marched in the Mardi Gras I was joined by five members of my cabinet who also participated in secret,” he added before grabbing his ukulele and belting out a medley of Village People songs.