I don’t give a rat’s arse what The Daily Telegraph calls itself as long as it’s not a newspaper.

I don’t give a flying fuck what its editor Ben English, its senior editorial staff, its political writers, layout subs and artists call themselves, as long as it’s not journalists.

Just don’t insult the half-century I’ve spent in the craft by calling yourselves such things.

That non-newspaper and those non-journalists are behaving as expected as the NSW election campaign enters its final 27 days – namely, the unabashed, unapologetic, public relations firm for the LNP state government of Premier Dominic Perrottet.

Sorry…. Dom!

A recent Media Glass House detailed the efforts this non-newspaper and its non-journalist staff are putting in to gift the LNP a totally undeserved fourth term.

Read edition after edition of this LNP publicity shitsheet and you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Liberal and National parties are the only ones standing for election. Okay, that’s slightly hyperbolic but you can bet your bottom dollar that any mention of Opposition Leader Chris Minns and the Labor Party is a pathetic sidebar and as a general rule highly critical.

The basic line being pushed with red-hot intensity is that Dom’s the man to lead NSW for the next four years.

And all of the above is the only real reason I’m desperate for NSW to turn red on 25 March.

I know fuck all about Minns. Bugger all about Labor’s platform.

If the truth be known, I probably prefer Perrottet’s pokie reforms. Can’t decide who’s right or wrong on property stamp duty.

But a lot of Herr Perrottet’s policy announcements reek of last-minute ideas to make up for piss-weak governance for far too much of recent election cycles. Makes you wonder whether the NSW election cycle should be a fixed four months to get things done.

I really could care less about whether Perrottet wore a Nazi uniform to his 21st birthday party. What he is now is far more important and I reckon NSW has already been blighted with one far-right-wing religious fruitcake too many over recent times.

But surely the actions of the likes of Gladys Berejiklian, Daryl “Send me the money!” Maguire and John Porkbarilaro surely deserve some censure at the ballot box. Oh, and the decision by ICAC to delay any decision on Berejiklian to after the election pongs to high heaven.

I’ve been of the view for a long time now that The Dirty Digger’s Australian mastheads are totally ineffectual in shaping the public’s view to conform with that of a certain flaccid-arsed, viagra-overdosed, money-hungry, ethically bereft, criminally inclined nonagenarian New York cunt.

So I’m here to declare that I’m going to be absolutely devastated if Perrottet somehow manages to hang on.

I’m not going to list the large number of reasons why the LNP government deserves time to refresh on the Opposition benches. You certainly won’t read any one of them in The Daily Telegraph over the next four weeks minus one day. Or The Australian. Or by Nine Entertainment Co. radio shock jocks, for that matter.

For the past decade, I lived in NSW and my vote didn’t stop Mike Baird being reelected in 2015 or Gladys “Don’t tell me about your sleazy deals, Daryl!” Berejiklian being returned in 2019.

I can’t vote this time round but for my sanity’s sake and with all fingers and toes crossed and praying to my own particular dog, I badly need the good folk of NSW on 25 March to tell that flaccid-arsed, viagra-overdosed, money-hungry, ethically bereft, criminally inclined, nonagenarian New York cunt to go fuck himself with a rubber hose.

Don Gordon-Brown