COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY:

A revolutionary ChatGPT software program that could replicate the writings of some of Australia’s leading mainstream media political essayists and commentators in a matter of seconds has failed at the final hurdle of its development, leaving the nation’s main media players shattered.

The likes of NewsCorp Australia and Nine Entertainment Co. had held out high hopes that they could have saved millions of dollars a year in column payments to the likes of Andrew Bolt, Peta Credlin, Vikki Campion, James Campbell, James Morrow, Paul Kelly, Janet Albrechtsen, Greg Sheridan, Gerard Henderson, Judith Sloan, Nick Cater and Piers Akerman (Newscorp) and Chip Le Grand, Parnell Palme McGuinness, David Crowe, Phillip Coorey and many others (Nine Entertainment Co.)

“They were all on the cusp of saving so much money,” a spokesperson for the Australian-based subsidiary of OpenAI who designed the generative communications tool told The Bug overnight on the grounds of anonymity for the local company behind the program.

“And we’re as much to blame as anybody. We got cocky and were totally premature in telling those media moguls that our “write once, write far-right” CHATGPT program was coming along a treat.

“For example. just a few days ago, the program took hardly any time at all – mere seconds – to produce an illogical, thoughtless, totally fact-free, right-wing piece of risible rubbish and when we showed it to Parnell Palme McGuinness at the SMH her immediate response was: ‘When did I write that!’”

“We knew then we were on a winner although we knew we still had work to do.

“We sent a ‘Paul Kelly’ piece to the senior editors of The Australian for appraisal and they quite rightly pointed out that no real Kelly piece would have made such a clear, albeit right-wing, argument within only a few hundred words instead of pontificating into the thousands.

“It was only over recent days as we fine-tuned the software covering dozens of these MSM scribes, we noticed the program was starting to play up.

“The first sign of a possible glitch was when we had just fine-tuned our Des Houghton generative tool and we sent a column to The Courier-Mail editor Chris Jones who was completely fooled by it – a tired, old, anti-union, anti-worker, rant in this particular case.

“Chris almost let the cat out of the bag by trying to ring Des to thank him for getting his copy in time for a change but luckily Des was at a free wine tasting and had switched off his mobs.

“That copy took quite a few seconds to create and the program came close to overheating.

“But our attempts at creating the perfect CHATGPT program for Australia’s mainstream media wasn’t limited to the written word.

“We were also creating scripts and perfecting voices for the likes of Ben Fordham and Ray Hadley (radio) and for television, foolproof animatronic images for all the SkyNews after-dark crew that James Cameron’s SFX people would have been proud of. All of Channel 9’s, Channel 7’s and Channel 10’s state and federal politics reporters, too, of course.

“In fact we had just perfected a Rowan Dean Sky News Channel to-camera piece where the vision of the shimmering spittle flying off his mouth over woke attempts to change Australia Day and the sound of his indignant voice quivering with barely controlled rage over city satanists were so real they would have fooled his own mother.

“It was about then that the entire software program started to shut itself down before our very eyes.

“It had no voice capability of its own yet still somehow managed to say ‘Terminate! Terminate! Terminate!’ and within a matter of minutes had completely wiped itself from our entire system and was totally irretrievable.

“We still have no idea how it managed to do that without any inbuilt abort/shutdown coding but our best guess is that it died of shame.”