Scott Morrison, Scott Morrison, Scott Morrison, Scott Morrison, Scott Morrison and Scott Morrison are the proud winners of The Bug‘s coveted Australian of the Year Award for 2022.

The former Prime Minister and five of his most trusted senior ministers from the former LNP Australian government (pictured recently above in federal parliament) were announced as the joint winners by chair of the judging panel, The Bug’s finance and investment columnist, Morrie Bezzle, (at right), in a glittering ceremony overnight on the footpath outside the expected headquarters in Canberra of the new National Anti-Corruption Commission.

The actual presentation was to have taken place at 10am today on Australinvasion Day but sadly none of the recipients were available to receive their awards in person. They are all on a current world speaking tour as arguably the greatest world leaders and finest statesmen Australia has ever produced.

In a statement, Mr Bezzle said that although he was only one member of the judging panel, he never doubted the six Scott Morrisons would take out the award.

“I’ve seen some conmen in my time but these Scotts always took my breath away for their audacity and self-belief totally unbefitting of their actual abilities. I really couldn’t put them on a pedestal high enough.

“But I really must single out Prime Minister Scott Morrison as the supreme leader of the pack.

“Let’s face facts, Scott Morrison PM was about as dumb a cunt as you could ever find.

“His lift didn’t get out of the basement let alone reach the top floor.

“His picnic basket wasn’t short a sandwich; it was empty.

“He wasn’t even sharp enough to be in the toolshed in the first place.

“He himself probably knew that but he more than made up for it with the cunning of a thousand shithouse rats.”

Mr Bezzle said the panel was simply mesmerised by Scott Morrison PM’s amazing self-belief based on an unparalled ego totally undeserved on the strength of his abject failures in both the corporate and political worlds.

“We know that the smartest man in a room wasn’t in it until Malcolm Turnbull entered but Morrison’s own ego in some ways left Fizza’s for dead.

“Scott Morrison had an ego the size of Kata Tjuta fucking Uluru doggie-style.

“I mean, here we have a guy who has reduced the Liberal Party to a rotten, smelly corpse yet he accepts no blame at all for that. Totally blameless. Totally shameless.

“He has never apologised once for the permanent damage he’s caused through his lying, lazy, loathsome ways. Personally I really can’t praise him enough.

“This cunt believes ever word he wrote to describe himself when he joined the Worldwide Speakers Group (WWSG).

“He still thinks he’s God’s gift to 21stC Australian politics and he still thinks he’s a master campaigner and marketer even though he has always had trouble stringing two coherent sentences together. He’s remarkable! He probably still thinks he could convince the recently remarried Buzz Aldrin that the moon is made of cheese. The reality was the poor prick couldn’t give away, let alone sell, a tin of biscuits in a camp of starving South Sudanese.”

Mr Bezzle said he and his fellow judges were simply dumbstruck by the fact that despite poor polling and four years as PM where a lie preferred to escape his lips rather than anything remotely resembling the truth – “I never criticised electric vehicles; they’re good technology!” – Scott Morrison really thought his reputation as that miracle-making marketer, a series of mindless photo ops, another $100 million ad spend from Clive Palmer and cloying, universal support from the mainstream mediocre would get him over the line in May last year.

“An old business partner of mine Peter Foster rang me last April after Morrison claimed firstly that he hadn’t been using his mobile during an Anzac Day service in Darwin and even if he had, which he hadn’t, the ceremony was over anyway.

“Peter told me: ‘Morrie, this guy could face the microphones the next morning and claim he hadn’t been in Darwin the previous day in the first place.

“‘Mate,’ Morrie told me, ‘this bloke is something very, very, special. We’ve gotta find some projects to work on with him. There’s not a thing we could possibly get up to that could make this cunt blush!'”.

“I had to agree. Anyone who thought washing some poor girl’s hair like Ted Bundy fussing over the rotting corpse of a nurse he’s hidden in bushland to fuck every now and then showed a distinct and unique personality worthy of the highest possible honour from Australia’s No1 family netzine The Bug.”

STOP PRESS: The Bug‘s AOTY judges will meet later this morning to decide whether Scott Morrison, the prime ministerial one, should be awarded permanent naming rights for the AOTY trophy. “We’re never going to see the likes of him ever again,” admitted one judge.

Previous winners of the AOTY Award (pictured below clockwise from top left) have been:

2018 – businessman and political party founder Clive Palmer for his charitable work supporting News Crap Australia publications through advertising,

2019 – teenage environmental activist Scomo Turdberg for her unique approach advocating for climate change,  

2020 – National Party Senator Bridget McKenzie for introducing innovative funding distribution models in the former Morrison Government, and   

2021 – News Crap Australia commentator James Morrow for his services to political fiction writing.