Hey, shithead!

Yes, you! You dreadful, money-hungry, ethically challenged, flaccid-arsed, viagra-overdosed, nonagenarian, far-right-wing, Yank cunt!

Yes, you! What the fuck are you going to do about that equally shitty employee of yours, Tucker Carlson?

From deep inside the sewer that is your pride and joy, Fox Spews Channel, Carlson has declared that he’s 100 per cent sure New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is a Chinese puppet.

You’re his boss. He’s your employee. Have you sacked him yet for such a disgraceful slur? And also sent packing whoever wrote the shameful strap across the bottom?

Booted the cooker Carlson’s putrid, flyblown, arse so far out of your New York studios that he’s plopped down in the Hudson River, polluting that waterway and killing most if not all of its marine life and clogging up ferry propellers.

Oh, Rupe, darling … sweet heart … you know we’re only joshin’ with ya!

We know this sort of shit is your stock in trade. These personal, ‘Dictator Dan’ style attacks, although totally unfounded and unfair, fire up your moronic, uneducated, viewership/readership base and add fuel to their ignorant anger and their blame for a wokey world that’s passing them by.

We never, really thought you’d be disciplining the Tucker-fucker. You’ve probably given that Carlson cunt a raise for spraying such vile shit? A fresh bright green Goebbels merit badge for his lapel, perhaps?

Declaring Ardern a Chinese spy is not quite in the “Sandy Hook massacre was staged” category but, shitty, shit, shit, it’s getting there, right?

And you’d only be upset with what Cooker Carlson said if you had any desire whatsoever to run real news outlets committed to balanced and fair journalism.

But that ship sailed a long, long, time ago, didn’t it, you darling irascible old rascal right-wing nutter, you?! You gorgeous old galoot.

So please keep doing what you’re doing around the Newscorpse world, old boy!

We at the MGH call it “long-term corporate suicide” and, golly gosh, it’s working a treat.

In some ways, we admire that your organisation has discovered a surefire way to reduce the size of your publications other than changing them from broadshits to tabl.. sorry… quality compacts!

So don’t you go changing now, you hear! Relax. Your brown-nosing editorial teams around the globe are doing a fantastic job. Leave them be.

You’ve achieved amazing things and surely at your age it’s time to head off and try to give that new squeeze of yours one for old timer’s sake.

If that super-strength, triple-dose, special-prescription viagra doesn’t kick in, the old hacks who run the MGH swear by paddle-pop sticks and sticky-tape. Try that combination on. Or get someone to tape them on for you. They won’t let you down in the very unlikely event you can get it up.

Don Gordon-Brown