SYDNEY: A serious ambulance ramping crisis is currently plaguing all major Sydney metropolitan hospitals (above) and it is expected to get much worse before it clears.

The ramping is a regular weekend event as hundreds of extremely angry or totally discombobulated Sydneysiders are ferried by ambulance to hospital after trying to read and make sense of weekly Sydney Morning Herald or Sun Herald columns by Parnell Palme McGuinness.

“It’s been especially bad of recent weeks while McGuinness has been given the full-page treatment up front in the Sun-Herald while Jacqueline Maley is on holidays,” one paramedic told The Bug on the emergency department ramp outside the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Camperdown on the condition of anonymity.

“Some of these poor buggers have gotten so angry that they’ve lost control of bodily functions. Others are so confused and disoriented they’ve forgotten their own names.

“They’ve all made the mistake of thinking that because McGuinness is replacing Maley she might have had something interesting or logical to say.”

“Here alone this morning, I walked past a dozen ambulances and I heard troubled souls inside shouting words along the lines of “what the fuck did she mean when she said “seven in nineteen Australians” wanted Djokovic expelled last year!”

“No-one ever expresses poll results in that way … unless of course the poll was of 19 people?”

The paramedic said a colleague had foolishly grabbed a copy of the Sun-Herald from one victim who was lapsing in and out of consciousness while being triaged and read the piece himself.

“Are Australians so racist that they turned on the entire Serbian community over Djokovic not being immunised in numbers worthy of real concern,” he said aloud.

“He then got increasingly shoutier as he read aloud some of McGuinness’s observations including “one man’s vaccination status became a reason to hate strangers”, the Australian public’s “collective self-concept hung in the balance”, “many people are mourning friendships lost in the febrile atmosphere”, “the fury at Djokovic’s heresy was immense” and on the Voice to Parliament it was “vital that the attempt to remedy racial division doesn’t result in entrenching hate”.

“The poor chap then shouted: “How fucking much does McGuinness pay Peter Costello to run this crap every fucking week!” before collapsing unconscious to the ground and having to be rushed inside himself for urgent life-saving treatment.

“All of his colleagues naturally enough hope he can make a full recovery over time, as unlikely as that might be seeing the reading of just one Parnell Palme McGuinness column has been known to prove fatal.”