HEAVEN: God Almighty says she is prepared to meet deceased Cardinal George Pell but at this stage such a meeting is “unlikely”.

Speaking exclusively to The Bug, God (at left in main picture) said she was aware that Pell was a controversial figure during his time on earth.

“But there are lots of people who arrive up here with a public reputation that precedes them and I’m happy to meet them all,” she said.

God said regardless of his stature and reputation during his mortal life, she was looking forward to meeting Pell and talking to him for the first time.

“But questions about a possible meeting are hypothetical because I’m not even sure he’s here,” she said.

“When I heard he had died I checked with Saint Peter, and checked again just before starting this interview, and I’m told Pell hasn’t been spotted anywhere near the Pearly Gates yet.

“To be frank, it’s been a few days now and if he hasn’t arrived by now he ain’t coming, so a meeting is actually unlikely,” God said.

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SYDNEY: Newly installed editor-in-chief at The Australian, Michelle Gunn, says one of the first challenges she faced in her new job was to respond in a balanced way to the death this week of Cardinal George Pell.

“His death was certainly unexpected but I believe I have since ensured a balanced response,” Ms Gunn said.

“Of course I had a duty to ensure we reported the news about his death, but I also had an enduring duty of care to all of our reporting staff and columnists at The Australia.

“I think I struck the right balance by organising special masses and memorial services for Pell in the Sydney newsroom and in our state bureaus while allowing mourning staff time to reflect and to write suitably hagiographic profiles of Saint… I mean Cardinal Pell,” she said.

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BALLARAT: The Ballarat City Council is believed to be set to reject proposals by the Catholic Church to memorialise the late Cardinal George Pell in the city.

A council spokesperson confirmed that local church figures had approached the council with plans to name a new facility it was planning to build and operate in Cardinal Pell’s name.

“The council is open to recognising people by having buildings named after them, but we must ensure that any naming or renaming is appropriate,” the spokesperson said.

“Unfortunately the church’s proposal for the George Pell Child Care Centre breaches the council’s naming policy that bans oxymorons.”

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BRISBANE: Police seconded to the former Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse have apologised to editorial staff of The Bug for a raid on its Brisbane newsroom yesterday.

A spokesperson for the Royal Commission which finished its investigative work five years ago and issued previously redacted sections in 2020 said the raid was the result of “a simple misunderstanding”.

“Police assisting the Commission were informed yesterday by a normally reliable source that The Bug had George Pell’s briefs,” the spokesperson said.

“We hope people understand the eagerness of police to secure the briefs and ensure they were sent for  forensic testing, but during the raid our mistake became obvious so we have apologised to The Bug management and to any staff who may have been affected by the raid.”