Dawid’s tilt at state Domination

The people of New South Wales may have a new Premier well before the March state poll with the shock decision overnight by Transport Minister Dawid Elliott to challenge Dominic Perrottet for the Liberal Party leadership.

At a mid-evening impromptu media call outside his parliamentary office in Macquarie Street in inner-Sydney, Mr Elliott repeatedly shouted “shalom!” to the media pack as he instinctively patted his deep Liberal blue yarmulke into place.

Mr Elliott announced he had put his retirement plans at the looming poll on hold following the shock news that Mr Perrottet had worn a Nazi uniform at his 21st birthday party in 2003.

“I appreciate that Herr Perrottet has appeared to be truly remorseful for his actions but oy geval!… what a klutz to have engaged in such nasty Nazi business, mocking the six million Jews murdered during the Holocaust.”

The minister’s voice wavering with emotion and perhaps unwisely using his yarmulke to wipe tears that had begun to fall unashamedly onto his cheeks, “Sadly I don’t think Herr Perrotet is now worthy of the great honour of leading this nation’s premier state!”

“I’m very proud that my Hebrew name means ‘beloved’ or ‘favourite’ and that’s what I plan to be for the wonderful people of this great state if the party elects me as their leader!

“Fuhrer (sic) more, I hope I never get to hear the name of the lowlife grub who forced the current Premier to admit to his heinous 21st birthday activities.

“Dobbing in is so un-Australian and so un-Liberal and if I ever find out who the lowlife was who did this, they will never, ever, serve under me!”

The media pack, realising that in Dawid Elliott they had someone capable of keeping Labor’s Chris Minns away from the levers of state power, then broke out into loud applause and raucous shouts of ‘You’re our man!’ and ‘We love you, Dawid!’, celebrations that gave no indication of abating long after Mr Elliott had gone back inside the building.

In a later media release, Mr Elliott confirmed that if elected Premier he would implement in full Herr Perrottet’s ambitious gambling reforms, including compulsory cashless gambling cards with strict spending limits for playing the pokies although “such reforms will not be a pressing issue in the first two terms of my premiership”.