Media moguls and their senior executives across multiple platforms have met in Sydney, vowing that coverage of the upcoming NSW state election will show “journalism practiced at its highest level of professionalism and integrity”.

Those were the words of their final communiqué after the owners and editorial executives were hosted in the boardroom of Nine Entertainment Co. by chairman Peter Costello yesterday afternoon.

Among those present were the editor of the Nine masthead The Sydney Morning Herald, Bevan Shields, and 2GB talkback shock jocks Ray Hadley and Ben Fordham.

Representing News Corp Australia were the editor of the Daily Telegraph, Ben English, and the paper’s state political reporter James O’Doherty and national politics reporter Clare Armstrong.

There for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation were state politics reporter Ashleigh Raper and from News Breakfast Michael Rowland. No-one from The Australian was present, having sent an apology with the words: “The Australian always practises journalism at the highest level of professionalism and integrity”.

The Bug was honoured to have been invited to this meeting and proudly presents taped highlights.

Costello: As we all know, there’s nothing more important in our democratic system of government than the creation of a level playing field in any election campaign; one that gives both sides of politics a fair and equal chance of success.

Various attendees: Murmurs of agreement.

Costello: So, Chris Minns and Labor are still stubbornly and worryingly ahead in the polls despite some recent recovered ground by Dominic and his hard-working team. We really do need to cut them down to size, agreed?

Various attendees: Murmurs of agreement.

Rowland: So in the first week of the campaign, we’re really going to have to highlight a major gaffe by Minns to get those two-party preferred numbers in synch?

Unknown voice: But what if he doesn’t make a gaffe very early on the hustings?

Attendees: General laughter and hoots of derision.

Shields: You’ll have to excuse my new chief of staff. He’s new to all of this.

Armstrong: So after we mercilessly hammer Minns with his gaffe du jour, how can we still be assured we can still achieve that level playing field both we and our readers and listeners expect. It’s not as if the hard-working Perrottet government is seeking a fifth term or is on the nose or anything like that.

Rowland: That’s right. Along with the rest of you, I hammered Albanese for weeks over that first-day-of-the-campaign gaffe that we all reckoned had cost him the federal election back in May? I really did think my effort matched that of Barrie Cassidy’s at the start of the 2019 federal campaign.

Fordham: That’s right. Fucked if I know what happened there. We all thought we had the prick on toast.

Shields: And unlike the recent Victorian state election, Minns doesn’t have the baggage of incumbency and a record of poor management and possible corruption.

Unknown voice: So there’s no chance of portraying Minns as toxic and divisive and dictatorial and most likely corrupt?

Attendees: General laughter and hoots of derision.

Shields: You’ll have to excuse my new chief of staff. He’s new to all of this.

Hadley: Geez I miss Scott Morrison. He was a wonderful PM, wasn’t he? It was an honour to have him on my show.

Attendees: Prolonged round of applause, shouts of “We love you Scott!” followed by a minute’s silence.

Shields: So, what else are we going to have to do to achieve this level playing field that’s an absolute cornerstone of our system of government and our electoral process that has wisely reelected LNP governments more often than not?

Raper: Has Minns’ wife been involved in a car accident in the past decade?

Fordham: Has Minns been on holidays recently and did his beachside rentlal have stairs?

Costello: All good points. So let’s get out there and show our reading and listening public our total commitment to honest, fair and ethical journalism. Let’s get Labor’s primary vote down so later in the campaign we can all apply the Coorey/Uhlmann method of totally ignoring the Greens vote and wrongly and willfully suggesting a hung parliament disaster looms; one that can only be resolved by voting for the devil you know!

Attendees: The Liberals!

Unknown voice: Or we could just report the election fairly and squarely and let the voters of NSW make an informed and educated choice?

Shields: You’ll have to excuse my former chief of staff. I’ve got no fucking idea why I brought him along.